"And I shall yet praise Him"

New Beginnings

2010-09-10T19:32:00.003-04:00

"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance." Psalm 42:5

In 2004, I embarked on a journey that would take me where I never expected to go. It was not a chosen path, but one God chose for me. Many of my readers have followed my journey through this blog entitled "And I Shall Yet Praise Him". I want to continue my blog writing at this website. So, I hope you'll join me from time to time as I continue praising Him who is worthy of all praise.

Memorial Day

2009-05-25T10:09:00.002-04:00

"Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor." Romans 13:7

Memorial Day is always a nostalgic time for me as I reflect on those in my family who have served in the military. My Father was a Marine who served in the Pacific during World War II. My oldest brother was a part of the Army's elite "Green Beret", wounded in Vietnam and received the Silver Star for bravery. I also have a brother who served in the Navy and one in the Air Force during the Vietnam era. My oldest son followed his Dad's example as he served in the Air Force for 9 years and my youngest son is currently a Marine pilot who has already done one tour of duty in Iraq.

I thank God for a family heritage rich in patriotism and loyalty to this great country. George Washington said, "The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional to how they perceive the Veterans of earlier wars were treated and appreciated by their nation." Let us never count the price of freedom cheap. Take time to honor those who made the ultimate sacrifice. Take time to honor those who willingly serve our country today.

It's Not in Vain

2009-04-03T10:47:00.003-04:00

"Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain." Psalm 127:1

First of all, surprise! I'm back. It has been almost 1 year since I posted to this blog. I have delayed blogging because I really hoped to get the format updated with my current name and status. Still haven't figured out how to do that since the web designer who helped me set it up in the first place doesn't reply to my emails. Any suggestions, please feel free to leave a comment!

Today Jerry and I did something we had never done before and probably never expected to do. Several months ago the Lord gave us the opportunity to meet a young Chinese family in our community who own the local Chinese restaurant. Soon the wife, Ada, began attending our church and I set up a weekly Bible study time so she could learn more about God in her own language. It wasn't long before she accepted Christ and was baptized.

Recently this young family was able to purchase a home just a few blocks from the church. Today we went to their home and had a bi-lingual dedication, praying for them and asking God to bless their home and their family. The verse above is one of the verses we used. All that has transpired in the last year to bring us all to that place today was of the Lord. I am encouraged that when the Lord does the work, then our labor together with Him is not in vain. It is not about me. It is about HIM and what He is wanting to accomplish in and through me.

I am excited to find out what the next step in His building plan will be. I know one thing, if He builds it, it's not in vain!

Great Things

2008-04-10T18:18:00.002-04:00

“And the house which I build is great: for great is our God above all gods.” 2 Chronicles 2:5

Here I am in Taiwan again for a few days. Since my time is short and its uncertain when I’ll get another chance to come back, I have been trying to see all my favorite people, eat all my favorite foods and basically squeeze as much enjoyment out of my time here that I can.

Yesterday I treated myself to a day at my favorite hair salon. Miss Yang is the only one I trust to cut my hair. I let her give me the full treatment—hair cut and straightened, manicure and pedicure. It turned out to be the perfect opportunity for her to train a couple of new girls too. She is good at what she does and is proud of her work. I was impressed with her thorough explanations and detailed guidance. She teaches her students to do every step correctly in order to have a great finish. No sloppiness or short cuts allowed!

One can assume Miss Yang strives for high quality work for many reasons—perhaps to make a name for herself, to build a solid clientele base, or personal pride in a job well done. Such commitment to excellence for an “everyday job” is admirable and inspiring. I thought, how much more committed should we be when attempting to do things for God!

When David’s son, Solomon, began to attempt something for God, he called it “great!” While the building of Solomon’s Temple did make him famous, that was not his purpose. He stated his purpose quite clearly—the house I build will be great because God is great! The overarching goal in everything we attempt to do for God should be to magnify the Lord and show His greatness, as the one true “God above all gods.” I'm reminded of a phrase I heard many years ago which inspired me then and still does now:

Attempt great things for God—Expect great things from God!

What are you attempting to do “great” for God today?

Do You Hear It?

2007-12-31T23:07:00.000-05:00

“…When thou shalt hear a sound of going in the tops of the mulberry trees, then thou shalt go out to battle, for God is gone forth before thee.” 1 Chronicles 14:15

As the old year ends and the new one begins. I am making a resolve to fine-tune my spiritual ears to listen for the sound of going in the tops of the mulberry trees. The sound of leaves rustling is not what one would expect to signal a charge into a battle. But then God doesn’t have to fit into a mold of our making. Unlike the sharp, piercing sound of a gun shot that signals a race, the sound God chooses is soft and gentle, requiring close attention to know the precise moment to begin. There can be no allowance for distractions, for to lose focus would be to miss the signal.

The danger here is going too soon—ahead of God—or lagging behind resulting in missed opportunities. I do not know what kinds of battles I will face in 2008, but of this I am sure: I do not want to go anywhere unless God goes before me. Such a decision requires absolute trust. My life verse has become Psalm 18:30 "As for God, His way is perfect..." I would never have chosen the hard path of the last few years which the Lord chose for me, but seeing His hand through it and in it, neither would I change it now. I used to know in my head about the sovereignty of God. Now I really know it--in my heart.

So with renewed courage, a good dose of patience, and faith in a trustworthy Lord, I look forward to 2008. I have lots of plans, but I’m listening for the rustling of leaves.

In the way

2007-10-21T23:40:00.000-04:00

“I being in the way, the Lord led me…” Genesis 24:27

To have confidence of being exactly in the center of God’s will is a precious thing. It takes faith and it takes persistence even when at times there may be doubts. In Genesis the story of Abraham’s servant, Eliezer’s search for Isaac a bride is a fantastic snapshot of the way God sends confirmation through divine appointment. Before Eliezer could finish voicing his prayer for guidance, Rebecca arrived. The circumstances of answered prayer left no doubt of God’s intervention. Eliezer’s response was to worship the Lord (verse 26) and his explanation was simply, “I being in the way, the Lord led me!”

The lesson for me is that when I am in the place of God’s perfect will, I need only make myself available to see Him work through circumstances. “I being in the way…”—what an awesome phrase! This past week I experienced my own personal snapshot of God’s confirmation that I am where He wants me. My husband, Jerry, and I had the unique opportunity to go to the public high school and mingle with the students during lunch hour one day. To make a long story short, because of that visit I was made aware of a Chinese student in the school who is challenged in English. I offered my help and this coming week I will be translating so he can take the required state testing.

I don’t believe in coincidences with God. I am excited that He is giving me opportunity right here in the US to use my language skills and begin to make contact with the local Chinese community. I’m not sure what God has in mind, but I’m not concerned about that. I am confident that being in the way, the Lord will lead me!

No shame in hope

2007-09-30T23:45:00.000-04:00

“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)

And now for the final installment in the saga of The Pineapple Plant: When I returned to Taiwan in early August, the now famous pineapple was beginning to ripen and was too heavy to stand up. It literally had to be propped up so that it wouldn’t fall over. I was amazed at the huge leafy top it sported for such a small pineapple! (It certainly was the smallest full-grown pineapple I had ever seen.) After another week or so I observed that it was ripe enough for picking, so I plucked it from its bed of leaves and enjoyed showing it off to the delight of anyone who visited my home.

While that pineapple was growing, I imagined one day being able to share it with friends. But the day I sliced it for eating, there was scarcely enough for one person, so I sat down and with a thankful heart to the Lord enjoyed every bite while imagining what Malcom might think if he knew his pineapple plant had finally produced a piece of fruit. It might have been small, but it was sweet!

Now should I decide to grow another pineapple, I think I am much wiser to the techniques of container gardening. In retrospect, I realize we should have increased its pot size each year, which would have allowed the roots sufficient expansion room. Perhaps next time there will be a larger pineapple to eat. I can always hope! After all, the pineapple for me was a symbol of hope for the future. In the months since discovering fruit on that formerly barren plant, God has enriched my life in so many ways and truly allowed me to experience the joy of hope fulfilled.

“But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more.” Psalm 71:14 (KJV)

New Mercies

2007-08-06T22:03:00.000-04:00

“It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23

The path of Christian growth is a steady process of recognizing that no matter what lessons have been learned along the way thus far, we have not yet “arrived.” Yesterday’s victory doesn’t suffice for today’s challenge. I must daily choose to put on the Christian armor and stand. (Ephesians 6:10-13) Today’s trial does not exempt me from facing one tomorrow. There is no room for complacency or self-congratulatory accolades.

With one phone call I was reminded just how quickly things can change and how very much dependent I must be upon the Lord for what a day will bring. One of our granddaughters was in a car accident that could have had a very serious outcome. (Praise the Lord she is okay and her friend’s injuries are minimal.) Upon hearing the news, my heart was gripped with that familiar feeling of helplessness and loss of control over life’s circumstances. When the prospect of tragedy brushes so close, the heart cries out “No, Lord, please don’t make us go there again!” Then the Holy Spirit gently reminds me that nothing comes into my life but that it has first passed through the hands of a loving God. I praise Him for protecting my loved one. I honor Him for the reminder of my own weakness and the need to daily draw upon His mercies.

Too Many to Count

2007-08-03T16:44:00.000-04:00

“And Solomon left all of the vessels unweighed because they were exceeding many, neither was the weight of the brass found out.” 1 Kings 7:47

Reading through the account of King Solomon directing the building and furnishing of the temple for God, I couldn’t help but marvel at the sheer volume of work and materials involved in the project. Obviously, Solomon was overwhelmed by it too and dispensed with trying to keep count of it all. When the work was finished and the people assembled to worship, it is recorded that they sacrificed sheep and oxen that could not be numbered for multitude! (8:5)

Such an account prompts the question: Is there anything in my life in such abundance that it cannot be weighed or measured? Oh yes! I am blessed beyond measure from above as God pours out innumerable blessings on me. I am recipient of His great and precious promises that are mine without end. His mercies are new every day. His love and forgiveness knows no boundaries. I cannot count the times I have cried out to Him and He has heard me. This one may sound silly, but having just returned safely to Taiwan, I am reminded that in 27 years of air travel back and forth to the mission field and others places in between, I cannot count the times I have arrived safely without so much as a piece of lost luggage!

A second question is more sobering: What have I done for the Lord in such abundance that it cannot be weighed or measured? I want to live my life in such a way that if I were to begin to count my service, my worship, my sacrifice, it could not be numbered for multitude. Perhaps one day this temple of the Holy Spirit will be furnished with innumerable gifts in response to the extravagant love of God. The debt I owe cannot be counted!

Much to do about stuff

2007-07-21T22:22:00.000-04:00

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

The other day I opened my computer as usual only to discover that everything was gone. What a shock! All programs, emails, documents, pictures and files were missing. It was as if somehow during the night the hard drive had been wiped clean. My initial reaction was one of panic. I began to think of all the important data that I had not backed up which now was forever lost. The more I meditated on it, the worse I felt.

At that moment I recognized the familiar feeling of loss for something that could not be changed nor restored. In that instant I realized that I had allowed "stuff" (namely my computer) to hold an important spot in my heart. I had a choice to make. Would I allow myself to be controlled and even devastated by this turn of events, or would I put the loss in it's proper perspective? Things can be replaced. My relationship with God, with my husband, with my children--these are the important things of life. With a contrite heart I turned to the Lord and confessed I had made much to do about stuff.

You know what? None of my circumstances had changed, but the meditation of my heart had turned to thankfulness for the blessings I have and for a loving God who used "stuff" to reboot my attitude.

The Reality of Answered Prayer

2007-07-17T21:05:00.000-04:00

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

I have a framed version of this scripture verse sitting on my piano in Taiwan. I found myself often puzzling over the words wondering how in the world God could give me a future and a hope when it seemed all I had was disaster. The perspective in the valley is so limited. Trusting God's heart, for me. was what I clung to during that time. And now, the reality of answered prayer with a wider view from the mountaintop allows me to see both what God was working out in the past as well as gaining a glimpse of that "future and a hope"!

Last week on July 9, 2007, Jerry Burton and I were married in Frisco, Colorado. Neither one of us would have chosen the life-changing events of the last few years, but now seeing God's hand in our lives all we can do is lift our voices in praise to the Lord who all along was working out His plan.

A Surprise Answer to a Secret Prayer

2007-07-09T14:36:00.000-04:00

“But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.” Matthew 6:6

There are a great number of Christians who pray for things but never have a clear sense that God heard and answered. What a sad commentary on a life that should be abundant and filled with excitement over the power of prayer and faith in a God who not only hears but answers. One reason for uncertainty is the lack of specific prayer and the habit we have of seeking help from human sources rather than meeting with our Heavenly Father in secret. Years ago at the starting line of my missionary career I was challenged to meet with God in the secret place and petition Him for things that only He could do, then while telling no other person watch God work. Oh how He showed Himself real to me in those days and in the years to follow! It was an exciting lesson learned. The neat thing is that now, 26 years later, God is still in the business of meeting me in secret and rewarding me openly.

Such has been the case in recent months. There are some yearnings of the heart that can only be voiced to God alone, things much too personal to trust to another human. I have come to recognize God as my source of strength, my hiding place, and my great provider. Knowing God in such an intimate way gave me the courage to pray a secret prayer from the heart. I asked God to either make me content to serve Him alone, or bring someone into my life who had a passion for God with whom I could serve. I got real specific and made a long list of character traits and attributes that I would want in a future mate. Honestly, I didn’t think there was a man alive who fit my criteria.

Imagine my surprise when God proved me wrong and answered my secret prayer by bringing Jerry Burton into my life. Jerry, a pastor in Ohio, was widowed 2 years ago. He was Malcom’s friend who was a source of strength and encouragement during his year battle with cancer. He became my friend during that time as well and was one of my encouragers through this past year. When I had at last submitted to God’s perfect way, it was as if God said, “Now…here is the answer to your prayer.” Soon I will be Mrs. Jerry Burton and I am excited to embark on this new phase of life, serving a wonderful God who answers prayers!

Submission

2007-06-22T18:09:00.000-04:00

“Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7

The journey of the past year has not been easy. When God set me on this journey—and surely it has been His choosing, not mine—I often pondered the unanswerable question, “Why?” There never was a satisfactory reply forthcoming. I often said aloud, “God, what are You doing?” I sensed God telling me not to try to understand, just submit beneath His hand and simply trust that a higher purpose would be accomplished. That is a difficult lesson to learn and at times the pain seemed crushing to the point of insufferable. But in that crushing I have begun to find answers to my questions.

Consider the spices that the Lord instructed Moses to have prepared for the sacred anointing oil and incense to be used in the temple worship. In Exodus 30:34-36 the Lord said, “Take sweet spices…and make an incense blended as by the perfumer, seasoned with salt, pure and holy. You shall beat some of it very small, and put part of it before the testimony in the tent of meeting where I shall meet with you.” Perhaps my life is like the spice, which has no value in and of itself until it is crushed. Once the pestle of God is used to crush the spice, then it releases what has been inside all along—the fragrance for which God is longing. Receiving the aroma, He is glorified and He blesses the fragrance through the execution of His perfect will.

Submission is an aroma that pleases God. As I have yielded to God’s choosing, He has responded with gifts, which I might never have known were within me aside from the total surrender to His will. I need not enumerate those gifts here. In whatever form or fashion God wants to use me, I willingly give back to Him and pray my life is a sweet fragrance that testifies of His grace and glory.

Submission

The path that I have trod has brought me nearer God
Though oft it led thru sorrow’s gates
Though not the way I’d choose,
in my way I might lose
The joy that yet for me awaits.

CHORUS
Not what I wish to be, nor where I wish to go
For who am I that I should choose my way
The Lord shall choose for me,
tis better far I know
So let Him bid me go, or stay.

Submission to the will
of Him who guides me still
Is surety of His love revealed
My soul shall rise above
this world in which I move
I conquer only when I yield.

Remembering Sue

2007-06-13T06:55:00.000-04:00

To read some memories about Sue visit http://sueqstories.blogspot.com/
If you want to submit a memory, send it to me and I'll post it.

Greatest Joy

2007-06-12T01:07:00.000-04:00

“Therefore we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: (for we walk by faith, not by sight). We are confident, I say, and will rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.” 2 Corinthians 5:6-8

It is June, that month of the year that reminds me of sad events in life. Today, June 12, is the date three years ago when Susan was ushered out of this world and into the presence of God. Next week June 22 will mark one year since Malcom’s home going. My attitude has been one of intense dislike for this month. Yet, why should I despise it so? It was a glorious month for both Sue and Malcom. They are blessed above us all to be in the presence of the Lord! I'm so glad that Malcom is not suffering the physical pain of cancer nor the emotional pain he carried after that fateful day at the beach. Today the two of them are together only beginning to discover the marvels of heaven.

Would I wish them back now that they are fulfilling the purpose for which they were created? My entire belief system is on the line when I consider these things. Do I believe that death is a passage and not an end? Do I truly believe that to be present with the Lord is more desirable than remaining on earth?

The scripture says we walk by faith and not by sight. No, I would not wish them back to this world of suffering and pain. Yes, I believe death is the door to eternal joy with the Savior. Yes, I believe that to be with the Lord is far better than we can ever imagine.

So today I make the conscious choice to view the month of June as a blessed month. That which in the past has caused my greatest pain will in the future be my greatest joy. “As for God, his way is perfect…” (Psalm 18:30).

He didn't forget

2007-05-21T01:14:00.000-04:00

"The Lord repay you for what you have done, and a full reward be given you by the Lord...under whose wings you have come to take refuge." Ruth 2:12

As a young child I enjoyed having pastors, missionaries, and evangelists autograph my Bible. They were my heroes. One particular signature was very meaningful to me: that of Evangelist Don Brown, who was preaching the revival during which I accepted Christ. He signed with a flourish and added "Ruth 2:12". From that moment on, it was a favorite verse of mine. And yet, as a 10-year old girl, I could not possibly understand the full meaning. Now in my middle adult years, I'm starting to comprehend the awesome power of those words.

In the book of Ruth, we read of Naomi who lost her husband and two sons. According to her view, God had dealt bitterly with her. Her daughter-in-law, Ruth, though mourning her own loss stayed by her side. Perhaps they were able to comfort one another in their grief. But such great, life-changing tragedy did not mean God had forgotten them. He was there all the time and His plan was to bless in a way they could never imagine. Boaz took notice of Ruth, and the rest of the story is that she became an important link in the ancestral line of David through which Christ was born.

I also have felt the bitter pain of loneliness and loss. With sometimes faltering faith, I have run under the refuge of the Lord's wings, praying for strength to make it through another day, another month. Those strong wings have comforted me and God has not forgotten the times I pushed myself to reach out to others in spite of my own weakness. Now, wounds not so fresh and a little more healed, God lifts me gently up and says "Child, I have a plan for you that you never could have imagined." When least expected, God stirred the heart and someone took notice. He didn't forget me. He won't forget you.

How does your Pineapple grow?

2007-05-08T12:30:00.000-04:00

"But grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be glory both now and forever. Amen." 2 Peter 3:18

It's been almost 3 months since I discovered that my pineapple plant of 6 years was actually producing fruit. Many people have asked me how it is doing, so I took a picture today. You can see it's doing quite well! It is growing so well I realized the pot it was planted in was not going to be adequate in another month or two. So I purchased a larger pot and had fun transferring it to a bigger spot to grow. I only ended up with a few scratches in the process. (Those leaves are very thorny!)

Adequate soil, water, and sunshine seems to be the magic for growing a pineapple. Thinking on this, my mind was drawn to the book of 2 Peter. Chapter three is packed full of growth principles for Christians:

vs 2 Be mindful of the words spoken before by the holy prophets (study the bible!)
vs 8-9 Be not ignorant of God's promises concerning his coming
vs 11 Be holy in your daily living
vs 17 Beware that you re not led astray by error and fall from your own stedfastness
vs 18 Grow in grace
vs 18 Grow in knowledge of Jesus

How are you growing?

More about Jesus would I know
More of His grace to others show
More of His saving fullness see
More of His love who died for me

More about Jesus let me learn
More of His holy will discern
Spirit of God, my teacher be
Showing the things of Christ to me

More, more about Jesus
More, more about Jesus
More of His saving fullness see
More of His love who died for me

(Hymn: More About Jesus by J.R. Sweney)

Curiosity or Compassion?

2007-03-27T12:15:00.000-04:00

“But when he [Jesus] saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd.” Matthew 9:36

As I was driving the 2 hour trip to Kaoshiung the other day, I was once again struck by the beauty of the mountains here in Taiwan. Malcom and I used to make that trip weekly to teach bible college classes. It had now been about two years since I had traveled that highway. However, it wasn’t just the beautiful scenery that drew my attention, but the sight of a large idol—a gold Buddha probably 10 stories tall set in the mountain side, towering over the land. My heart was gripped with sadness as I reflected that such a sight was common in this country, and indeed symbolized the very real stronghold that Satan has on the Taiwanese people.

I am reminded of the first year we lived in Taiwan about 34 years ago. At that time we were here with the US Air Force. While many Americans and other tourists enjoyed visiting the temples to view the architecture and see the worship practices of a different culture, I could never enjoy a moment of it. For once you look upon people through the eyes of Jesus, it is compassion that grips you, not curiosity. Then the dilemma is presented: the harvest is great but the laborers are few (vs. 37).

Taiwan is still a very spiritually needy mission field. But there’s a shortage of laborers and the numbers are fewer than a year ago. I’m praying to the “Lord of the harvest” that someone will move from simply curiosity to true compassion.

I Much Prefer Pleasant

2007-03-22T13:28:00.000-04:00

“The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, and adds learning to his lips. Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul, and health to the bones.” Proverbs 16:23-24

Last week I had the opportunity to attend a high school drama production of the classic play by Mary Chase called “Harvey.” It’s a delightful story of a likeable man who has an imaginary 6-foot rabbit friend. One of my favorite lines in the whole play is, “For 45 years I tried smart. I much prefer pleasant!”

Reading in the 16th chapter of Proverbs one discovers that “smart” and “pleasant” have a common denominator—the heart of the wise. Godly wisdom flows from the heart and brings forth pleasant words that are as sweet as honey and edifying to both the hearer and the speaker. There is healing power in words that are sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. Proverbs 26:11 describes a word fitly spoken as “apples of gold in pictures of silver.” Pleasant indeed!

I’ve been the recipient of such words in recent days. Perhaps the one who said, “Thank you for showing me God” didn’t realize how much I needed to hear a word of encouragement that day. It was just the medicine I needed. On another day my sad countenance was lifted by words of hope from someone who has walked a similar path.

It’s a worthy pursuit—to fill our hearts with God’s wisdom, then drawing from that well teach our lips and taste our words before blessing another with “pleasant.”

Lantern Festival

2007-03-04T11:29:00.000-05:00

“In him [Jesus] was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. That was the true Light which lighteth every man that cometh into the world.” John 1:2-3,9

The fifteenth day of the lunar new year is here and brings with it the festival of lights, commonly called “Lantern Festival.” Children look forward to this day all year for the chance to go out in the evening with a lighted lantern in hand to be dazzled by the pretty lights and the fireworks. Holiday activities often include such things as making paper lanterns, the telling of riddles plus food and games for all.

The origin of the Lantern Festival is rooted in religious worship. It seems the “kitchen god” (who left at the beginning of the new year to report to the higher god of heaven) is now returning. So the devoted followers must go out in the night with lanterns to light his way back. In this pantheistic society there are many who still hold to this pagan belief.

From my 14th floor apartment, I listen to the sounds of the firecrackers and watch the fireworks exploding in the sky. My heart cannot help but long for the “Light of the World” to shine into the hearts of the Taiwanese. Jesus Christ is the living God who does not need us to light His way. Instead He brings the light of life to illuminate our dark souls, giving salvation and hope.

Symbols of Hope

2007-02-19T20:49:00.000-05:00

“And God spake unto Noah, and to his sons with him, saying…I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.” Genesis 9:8,13

I am not one to over spiritualize every natural occurrence in life. I think there is a danger in always looking for a “sign” from God. On the other hand, God does speak to us through the natural phenomena of His creation. After the huge flood that decimated the earth, God placed a rainbow in the sky as a symbol of hope for the future. Even today, thousands of years later, our hearts are lifted in hope at the sight of a rainbow spanning the skies.

A couple of days ago, God gave me a “symbol of hope” in the form of a pineapple plant growing in my patio garden. That pineapple plant has been the object of many conversations, jokes, and illustrations since the day 6 years ago when Malcom lobbed off the top of a pineapple and stuck it in some potted dirt. We read somewhere that it takes about 3 years for a pineapple plant to mature and produce fruit. So day after day, year after year we faithfully tended that plant. In the third year, no fruit, just beautiful leaves. In the fourth year, still no fruit. By now this plant has become the perfect example of how “not” to live the Christian life. God wants us to bear fruit! It was beautiful, but useless.

After Malcom went home to be with the Lord last year and I returned to Taiwan, I seriously contemplated throwing away that plant who had now survived 5 years without producing fruit. It seemed to mock me saying “I’m still here but I’m no use!” Actually, it was the logistics of how to easily dispose of such a huge plant that caused me to procrastinate and allow it to continue growing on my balcony patio.

Ah, but now, that plant has become a symbol of hope to me! On Chinese New Year’s Eve, as I was watering the foliage I detected something a bit different with that plant. Could it be true? Yes! Something besides leaves is beginning to emerge from its center! Six years after it was planted, God says “It’s time!” and there is a bloom.

My pineapple plant is just doing what it is supposed to do and it brings me pleasure. I see hope for the future. I’m glad I didn’t give up and toss it out last fall. It’s a good lesson that can be applied to many areas of my life and ministry. How many other “pineapple plants” are there that just need tending and time for God to work?!

Something to Consider

2007-02-11T16:18:00.000-05:00

“Say not thou, ‘What is the cause that former days were better than these?’ for thou dost not inquire wisely concerning this.” Ecclesiastes 7:10

I have often described life since becoming a widow as “being in limbo.” Where once there was a common goal and plan for the future, now there is uncertainty. Where once all my decisions were weighed equally with my husband’s desires, now I’m left to figure out the best course of action on my own. It’s quite an adjustment. In weak moments I say to the Lord, “What were you thinking? I want my life back! I liked it better before all this happened!” Obviously, I’m not the only one who has longingly looked at former days and wished to be whisked back to that safe, comfortable time when life seemed better. Through the pen of wise Solomon, I hear the Lord say, “It’s not really smart for you to ask about such things!” Reading further, instead He gives me something to consider:

“Consider the work of God: for who can make that straight which he hath made crooked. In the day of prosperity be joyful, but in the day of adversity consider: God also hath set the one over against the other to the end that man should find nothing after him.” (Eccl. 7:13-14)

As I consider these things, I recognize the truth that when God does something, it will not be undone without his express permission. Why? Because He has a profound purpose to all He does. It is not random hit and miss as if I can “catch the blessings” sometimes and “oops! I got hit by that trial” other times. I must consider that He has made one as well as the other. As I totally depend upon His wisdom and trust in His goodness, it is possible then to stop dwelling on what was and what could have been. It is the path to moving forward.

Treasures of the Snow

2007-02-01T00:34:00.000-05:00

“Hast thou entered into the treasures of the snow, or hast thou seen the treasures of the hail?” Job 38:22
“For He saith to the snow, be thou on the earth…” Job 37:6

It’s a winter wonderland outside and my thoughts turn once again in wonder and awe of God the Creator. From the safety of my warm house, I love to watch the gently falling snow as it silently settles a thick blanket of white over every thing. It seems to fall from an endless storehouse. What an amazing way to water the earth in winter time! Beauty blended with practicality from an omnipotent, all-surrounding God. Like Job, I do not fully understand it. I have not entered into the “treasures of the snow.” Even those who have made it their goal to understand the mysteries of the elements cannot control or avoid what God causes to be governed by exact and unchangeable laws of nature. Just as God spoke the world into existence, His voice commands the snow to be on the earth. I marvel at the beauty of the snow, but more than that, I worship the amazing Almighty Creator God. I lift my heart in praise because the same sovereign Lord is in control of all that concerns me.

Treasures in Darkness

2007-01-22T02:14:00.000-05:00

“And I will give you the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the Lord, which call thee by thy name, am the God of Israel.” Isaiah 45:3

The ice storm of the century hit the Ozarks last week causing downed trees, limbs and power lines. I was without electrical power for more than a week. During this time life consisted of simple survival. Without the benefit of electricity, the daylight hours became precious as I welcomed the dawn each morning and dreaded sunset when once again the darkness closed in.

During this time, I learned some things—like how to start and keep a fire going in the fireplace! I can do more than I thought I could—like split wood. I discovered I can tolerate cooler temperatures. Because of the forced darkness, my refrigerator got a complete cleaning, I had the chance to help neighbors, a chance for more time spent with family without the television. I learned to be more thankful for the modern conveniences we all take for granted and to appreciate simple things like candles, batteries, books.

It seems an unlikely place, but there are treasures in darkness. “The Lord has said that He would dwell in the thick darkness.” (2 Chronicles 6:1) Even though I don't enjoy trials, I must admit that there are things learned in this place that could only be learned in darkness. It is the place of knowing God on a deeper level and coming to a greater understanding of my own strengths and weaknesses. Facing the darkness brings me closer to the Light.

Giving God the pen

2007-01-04T23:37:00.000-05:00

“The Lord of hosts has sworn: As I have planned so shall it be. As I have purposed, so shall it stand.” Isaiah 14:24

It’s a new year. Time to break out a new calendar and begin writing in the appointments and plans for the coming days and months. I must admit that it’s with some apprehension that I even attempt to imagine what this new year will bring. Certainly the past several years have not gone as “I” planned. I used to look forward to a new year with it’s chance to start fresh and try again to accomplish some noble goals. I made my plans and boldly wrote them in pen, only to scratch them out when God’s appointments were made known.

In keeping with these thoughts, I found it amusing that I received an interesting desk calendar for Christmas: it has a crossword puzzle for each day which I will, of course, work out in pencil. I would like to think that I can do the puzzles in pen, but I know myself! There is a chance I will make a mistake. So if I’m that careful with a silly game, how much more careful should I be in planning my life? Even while I grieve for those I have lost, I yearn to have hopes and dreams for brighter days ahead. But I dare not take the pen. No, give me a pencil. I’m giving God the pen.

Home for Christmas

2006-12-27T23:43:00.000-05:00

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

I have a small wooden wall decoration done up in country style, hand painted with a bit of raffia tied around the wire hanger. It reads “All hearts go home for Christmas”. This reminds me of the common saying “Home is where the heart is”. This year it seems I can’t find “home”. No matter where I am, there is a deep sadness and longing for Malcom, the one who captured my heart 34 years ago. It is the first Christmas without him and my heart is restless for home.

I really should not complain. I was abundantly blessed of the Lord with a wonderful husband for so many years. I have friends and family who love me, demonstrate their love and care in so many ways. By the time this year of 2006 ends, I will have had special times with each of our children and with many of my dear friends. And yet my flesh and my heart fails. I don’t want to be ungrateful. I don’t want to feel sad. I chide myself that Christmas is not about me, but about the Savior. I try to summon up the determination to get past my pain and focus on living life to the full now. But it seems an impossible task. Every day I do my best to look for the blessings in life, to smile and laugh. I have gotten quite good, I think, at doing and saying all the right things. But in the night hours, when the sun has gone down and the quietness settles in, I know that I’m still struggling. I have not succeeded in making myself any less of a “mess” than I felt 6 months ago.

Perhaps God is reminding me that in my own strength I can do nothing. In Psalm 73 the psalmist aptly describes the failure of the flesh and the sovereignty of God. I long for the day when the words of verse 25 can truly be my words, “Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You.” I haven’t quite arrived at that spot yet, but I can join with the psalmist in verse 26. I freely admit my frailty and complete dependence on God. He is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Waiting for a Miracle

2006-12-15T11:17:00.000-05:00

“For mine eyes have seen thy salvation.” Luke 2:30

The Jewish nation was waiting for “Messiah” the promised One to come. They were expecting a miracle. But when He came, it wasn’t as they imagined. They wanted a King, a Deliverer, not a baby born in a stable announced by angels and worshiped by shepherds.

But there was at least one person who had a different perspective. This man’s waiting was done patiently and in full faith. His name was Simeon and we find his story recorded in 10 verses stuck right in the middle of Luke chapter two. Now an old man, Simeon was just and devout. He had waited a long time to see the miracle, the Consolation of Israel. That day as he took the infant Jesus up in his arms he declared, “…mine eyes have seen Thy salvation.” He believed and his faith became sight.

Some today, however, have the wait and see attitude. They want to see, feel, or experience a miracle before they will step out on faith and trust God: in essence demanding to “see” in order to receive faith. By doing so it is not faith at all then, but a fulfilling of some felt need. It was the same in Jesus’ day. In John chapter six we read of those who followed Jesus to see the miracles that he did. But Jesus, who knew the thoughts and intents of their hearts said, “…Ye seek me, not because ye saw the miracles, but because ye did eat of the loaves, and were filled.”

What miracle do you need today? I know for me I keep thinking some day God is going to do something to make life joyful and fulfilling again. If I'm not careful, my attitude could degenerate to the point of just wanting to be filled. The Christmas season seems the perfect time to renew my resolve to be steadfast in trusting the Lord, not demanding to see a miracle, but rather actively waiting in faith for my miracle. It may not be what I imagine, but I will surely rejoice.

“O LORD, be gracious unto us; we have waited for thee: be thou their arm every morning, our salvation also in the time of trouble.” Isaiah 33:2

How good it is...exclamation point!

2006-11-28T10:19:00.000-05:00

“A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, and a word spoken in due season, how good it is!” Proverbs 15:23

In human relationships, spoken words are very important. Often times, actions can be misunderstood. Perhaps someone appears to act angry, but they are really in pain; or someone smiles and looks “happy” but they are in fact embarrassed. True thoughts cannot be communicated by actions alone.

An incident in the early years of our ministry here in Taiwan illustrates my point quite well. I taught a Bible lesson on the love of our Heavenly Father and wanted the children to relate God’s love to their parent’s love. I asked, “How many of you know that your parents love you?” No hands went up. “Don’t your mommy and daddy ever say ‘I love you’?” No hands were raised. Those children did not know they were loved because they had never been told! I took the time then to guide them in recognizing signs of love such as their parent’s care and provision of home, food, clothing, and so on. But what a shame that they had never been graced with the gift of three words: “I love you.”

Today I found a wonderful treasure, a gift that I had not expected to receive. In searching for some computer files saved on disks, I came across one labeled, “Sue’s voice.” I immediately put the CD into the disk drive. It was a phone conversation recorded in May, 2004…two very precious voices to me. I wasn’t home at the time and Malcom on a whim had turned on the digital recorder so that I could hear their conversation later. Before the conversation ended, Sue sang out, “Mom, I love you!” Those were words spoken in due season. One month later she was in heaven.

Many of the gifts that we give are things with no lasting value, just stuff to clutter our homes. Things are nice to have, but how much sweeter to bless our family and friends with the joy which comes from words that edify. While we are at it, let’s also remember to talk to the Lord and express our words of love and adoration. Make sure that today someone knows they are loved. How good it is!

It Takes Time

2006-11-24T06:29:00.000-05:00

“In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge is in God.” Psalm 62:7

The emotional ups and downs in grieving are a given. It’s also a source of frustration not only to the person who grieves but to others who are trying to comfort or support in a meaningful way.

“Grieving takes time” they say. Time for what, I muse? Time in which to forget the person? No! I reject that idea since it would be impossible to forget, and besides I don’t want to forget! It is true, time is a healer. I conclude the reason lies in the fact that time allows one to process the memories, put it all into a manageable order so to speak, thus calming the fragile emotions. The more time that passes, the less chance of encountering a fresh reminder of things done, places visited, holidays celebrated. Until that is accomplished, my emotions are subject to whatever a day may bring.

This process naturally brings highs and lows. Anyone who has been reading my writings has discovered that one day I may be seemingly “fine,” courageously depending upon the Lord. On another day it seems I’ve regressed and am struggling to survive the hour. Even small reminders can knock me for a loop: the simple act of splitting a tangerine in half conjures up the image of Malcom always sharing one half with me. Suddenly I’m grieving again! This emotional roller coaster is exhausting. Private admonitions to myself to “get a grip, get over it, and get on with life” are useless. The process of grief is not like a crescendo in which you are better today, a little better tomorrow, getting better each day. No, it’s like the myriad crescendos and decrescendos of a musical piece, this one orchestrated by God and finished only when He, the composer and conductor decides.

That is why now, more than ever before, I must constantly turn to the Lord. He is my rock, my refuge, the one stable thing in my very unstable life. How precious is the thought! When I need a place to hide, a place to take shelter, regroup, and face another day, just nudge me that direction. With time, I’ll be alright.

Feeling Abandoned By God

2006-11-20T11:16:00.000-05:00

“And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying…My God, my God why hast thou forsaken me?” Mark 15:34

Have you ever considered how many different types of “loss” can occur in a person’s life? There is the loss of health, job, income; loss of face, self-esteem, confidence; loss of a loved one through death, divorce or other circumstance; loss of leadership, direction, and purpose. The list could go on. Change is inevitable in life, but even with an expected change there is still a loss. My loss may be someone else’s gain. But the resultant feeling from compound losses is abandonment.

As this particular week unfolds, I feel very keenly several losses. Tomorrow is Sue’s birthday. I recall with joy the day she was born and the pleasure she brought us in her 28 years. I am still reeling from the loss, trying to make sense of it. Tuesday, the 22nd, will mark 5 months since Malcom’s home going. Not only did I lose my husband, my best friend, my confidant, but I lost my closest co-worker in the ministry. It feels like I have lost my past, present and future. I feel abandoned!

One of the hidden products of suffering is coming to a more intimate knowledge of the Savior. And so I am allowed a small glimmer of awareness and understanding of what my Lord must have suffered for me. Jesus, who knew the future, who knew the eternal plan, still felt the pain of abandonment! His desperate cry on the cross echoes centuries later in my own heart.

Was Jesus really abandoned? Yes, for a time. But there was a greater glory to be revealed. Am I abandoned? It feels that way. Lord, may I patiently endure, waiting for Your plan to unfold in my future.

Attitude of Gratitude

2006-11-08T21:46:00.000-05:00

"Every good and every perfect gift is from above..." James 1:17

Here it is November with Thanksgiving soon upon us and Christmas following not far behind. This year especially I do not look forward to the holidays. The pain of loss is too fresh. But having an attitude of gratitude can focus my thoughts on what I have, rather than what I do not have. It's a wonderful idea encouraged by "Christian Women Online". So today I begin...

1. A comfortable home to live in
2. A new friend to exercise with
3. An unexpected email blessing from a friend
4. Cool, crisp morning
5. The smile of a toddler swinging in the park
6. Fragrant flowers adorning the trees
7. Orange glow of the rising sun
8. Good morning greetings
9. The smell of fresh ground coffee perking
10. The internet world to keep in touch
11. Memories of grandchildren singing "The B-I-B-L-E"
12. God's Word speaking to me
13. Cool breeze through my window
14. Family photographs
15. Gift of sight
16. Privilege of prayer
17. Chas' blue eyes
18. Abby's beautiful hands
19. Spencer's sparkling energy
20. Kyle's sweet giggle
21. Kaycia's kisses blown my way
22. Cell phone texting
23. God's love
24. A loving church family
25. The joy of serving

I will continue my gratitude list at this site: Carol's One Thousand Gifts List. I hope you'll check it often and perhaps be encouraged to write your own list.

Save that for another day

2006-11-06T11:30:00.000-05:00

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven….a time to mourn.” Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4

Once while traveling on furlough, we stayed in the home of a church family. They graciously put us in their daughter’s room, typical of any young adult’s quarters with some childhood keepsakes lying about. “Is the daughter gone off to college?” I wondered. The next morning chatting with our hosts, I was shocked to learn that she had passed away after a battle with cancer. This had actually occurred several years previously. At the time I could not understand why her room was still in tact just as she had left it. I judged that the parents were not dealing well with their grief and had not moved on past the tragedy that struck their family.

Now I view the scene from another perspective. Now I identify with the struggle those parents must have been going through. Faced with my own reluctance to begin sorting through my husbands belongings, I question my ability to “move on.” Why is it such a hard step to take? I want to force myself, but I simply cannot.

It seems there are never-ending layers to the levels of finality after losing a loved one. So many changes, so many “first” experiences to endure without his presence. These are things that assault the emotions on a daily basis and leave a person little energy to purposely initiate change. Some measure of sameness is comforting, even if it is just a group of shirts hanging in that side of the closet, a collection of books sitting on those shelves.

A wise daughter recently reminded me that mourning is hard work. So once again I give myself permission to delay the sorting of “things” and turn to the book of Matthew, chapter 11 verse 28 to draw strength from the words of Jesus: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Exposing the Strength Myth

2006-10-22T09:11:00.000-04:00

“Who through faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions…out of weakness was made strong…” Hebrews 11:33-34

I’ve heard it said over and over again. Maybe not the same words, but the general essence of what I call the “Strength Myth” comes through loud and clear. It ranks right up there with the myriad of internet hoaxes and urban legends circulating today. This myth says,

“You are strong, therefore you can ______.”

Just fill in the blank: …learn another language; ….be a missionary; …resist temptation; …endure suffering; and the list goes on and on! It seems whatever someone does not want to do or does not want to face can be easily written off with the excuse of weakness.

Do we imagine that God listens to this line of thinking and says, “You’re right, you are too weak. You’re off the hook. Ok, next!”? The scriptures abound with illustrations of men and women who could have excused themselves that way. Abraham and Sarah claimed old age. Moses claimed weakness of speech. Elijah claimed physical exhaustion. The Israelites had no giant to pit against Goliath. Gideon claimed a poor family heritage. Paul had a physical ailment. Esther had no right to speak to the king unbidden.

All these people found out the amazing truth about weakness: When I reach the end of my own resources, when I cannot do it, God takes over and miracles happen! God is not searching for “strong” people to live a godly life. He chooses to work through our weakness thereby magnifying His great power in us to accomplish what we could never do on our own.

What you see in my life…the ability to endure multiple tragedies, the courage to return to the mission field, the strength to encourage others, the tenacity to carry on…these are not “my” qualities. I can only claim weakness. It is the Lord’s ability, the Lord’s courage, His strength and His tenacity which I draw upon daily. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Sitting on the Edge of Glory

2006-10-14T10:13:00.000-04:00

"Now after the death of Moses the servant of the Lord, it came to pass that the Lord spake unto Joshua...as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." Joshua 1:1,5

There are two truths that cannot be disputed: the brevity of life and the sovereignty of God. So often we live as if these truths do not exist. We assume we will live to an old age. We live as if we are in control of our own lives. Even if we are granted many days like Moses, God's servant, yet in the grand scheme of things from God's viewpoint, our life is just a vapor. It would seem useless except for the sovereignty of God. This marvelous truth has helped me to come to grips with every tragedy of life. Knowing God has a purpose, a plan for each breath we breathe brings true meaning to our human existence. Finding that purpose should consume our whole being. For who can say how much time we have left to accomplish God's plan?

I recently discovered a poem which my husband, Malcom, wrote 2 months before the Lord called him home. Perhaps it will bless someone today:

Sitting on the Edge of Glory
by Malcom Feistel

Sitting on the edge of glory, telling all who pass my story
People passing by, wondering, not asking,
why hard things still happen to people
Sitting on the edge of glory.

Will they understand that we are all
Sitting on the edge of glory?

Jesus came to die, gave his life for mine, made it possible for me to be
Sitting on the edge of glory.

Things that happen in our lives, sickness, trials and strife,
They all push us to the edge where waits a place just for us
Sitting on the edge of glory.

In a moment life will change, people gone forever, health is just a whisper,
Happiness a vapor, but joy will last forever
Sitting on the edge of glory.

Heart Lag

2006-10-05T11:16:00.000-04:00

"That their hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgement of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ." Colossians 2:2

International travel is marked by a common malady called "jet lag." Those who have never experienced it cannot imagine the topsy turvy feeling of suddenly being thrust from one time zone to another. This is especially true going half-way around the world from west to east. Days and nights are completely turned around. It may be daylight here, but my body is still trying to deal with fast-forwarding past 12 hours of darkness. So while literally I'm here, physically there is a lag that takes a week or so to catch up.

There is another adjustment required too. A friend of mine called it "heart lag." As I pondered this phrase God brought to mind the verse in Colossians which refers to that special Christian bond as hearts being "knit together in love." In the past year and especially over the last few months since my husband's passing, God has forged some special heart connections for me with some of my church family and other friends. Leaving them as well as my children, grandchildren and other family members has been challenging. I suddenly felt thrust out of a loving circle and was very homesick.

I arrived back in Taiwan about 6 days ago. Just as my body is beginning to recalibrate time and adjust to jet lag, so too my heart is catching up and reconnecting with hearts here in Taiwan. Daily God is bringing different ones into my life who demonstrate His grace, His love, His comfort. I will always stand in awe of God's marvelous ways in which He does as He promised in Philippians 4:19, "But my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

The Tides

2006-09-23T01:52:00.000-04:00

"Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee..." Isaiah 43:1-2

Imagine an idyllic place where you can cast your cares away, relax in the sun, allow the stresses of life to fall away. Did you imagine a beautiful oceanside scene, clear skies, palm trees waving in the gentle breeze? For many, a chance to "go to the beach" would be an ideal vacation. Growing up in Florida just a few miles from the shore, I used to feel the same way. Circumstances of life have a way of changing one's perspective however. Now the ebb and flow of the ocean, the sound of the breaking waves and it's constant movement is what nightmares are made of. The sea cannot be trusted with it's ever changing currents and unpredictable calm or fury.

No, the sea cannot be trusted. But the Master of the Seas, the One who created them assures me that He can be trusted. The fury of high tide, the sigh of low tide, all bow to His purposes. Even when I don't understand the "what" or "why" of His plan for me, I cling to His promise: "I will be with thee."

Ebbing, flowing
Never knowing
What the tide will be
Overwhelming
Yet receding
Grief always with me

Trusting, doubting
Ever changing
Emotions move like the sea
Not desiring
Yet embracing
The path now set for me

Comforting, drawing
Ever sensing
God's response to my need
Overshadowing
Yet releasing
Perfect love surrounds me

2006-09-21T17:36:00.000-04:00

To hear "Words of Song" click here.

Words of song to fill my heart

2006-09-18T16:14:00.000-04:00

"Yet the Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life." Psalm 42:8

I cannot explain what happened yesterday. Seemingly, as the day dawned God spoke and commanded His lovingkindness to be lavished upon me in such a way that I was especially aware of His presence. I cannot say why yesterday was different than any other day, just that it was.

There were a series of small blessings: a beautiful rainy day to quench the dry earth, an awesome Sunday School lesson that spoke to my heart, inspiring music and a powerful message from God's Word, fellowship at lunch with Godly friends, a direct answer to a specific prayer, a presentation by the children's choir, more inspiring music, more good preaching, and more fellowship with friends. By the time I returned home for the evening, my heart was full to overflowing. Not wanting the day to end, I sat down with my Bible and told God I would not relinquish the day without a special verse from Him. Reading through Psalm 42, as I meditated upon verse 8, words to a song began to flow. The crescendo of "small" blessings climaxed. Within a short time, a simple song had been born. It may not amount to much as far as anyone else is concerned, but the memory of sweet communion with my Lord will always be precious to me.

Verse 1:
Oh God, most faithful Savior
My heart today is full
For you have calmed the sadness
That daily stalks my soul
Just when I thought I could not bear
another lonely day
You came to me with words of song
and brushed my tears away

Chorus:
He commands His lovingkindness in the day
Shining bright, casting out the sorrow
And in the night His melody is sweet
Reminding me He cares, attending to my prayer,
Showing me I'm not alone

Verse 2:
If all the days were sad days
I could not stand the loss
As weak and frail emotions
Like waves are torn and tossed
Just as the sea is kept at bay
The Lord gives sweet reprieve
With words of song to fill my heart
And solace in my need

How I'm really doing

2006-09-14T02:02:00.000-04:00

“But Thou, O Lord, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.” Psalm 3:3

I had to smile this morning as I read an email from a friend asking “…so how are you really doing?” I’m not offended by the insinuation that I’m less than honest in replying “fine” to “how are you?” Let’s face it, not everyone wants to know the details of my life! I refuse to wear my grief like a cloak around my shoulders for all to see. That part of me is too personal to put on display for just anybody. And yet, I like to think if you take the time to read this blog, then perhaps you are one who really wants to know.

How am I doing? To answer that question means I must peel away a portion of the carefully spun cocoon in which I have encased my heart. I have managed to survive by hiding the painful emotions even from myself. Still, once in a while something triggers a memory or a thought that opens the floodgates and tears flow. I am helpless to stop it then. I am hurting, but I am surviving.

How am I doing? I just got back from a short vacation with my sister, Liz. We attended a quilter’s retreat in the Northwest. It was good to have some “sister time” together and see a part of the US I had never seen before. But after being gone a week, coming home to the empty house was a hard jolt back to reality. I dread returning to Taiwan for this reason, knowing I must face our apartment, his office, the church, a multitude of people and places all connected to memories of Malcom. Honestly, it frightens me. I’m lonely and I hate being alone.

How am I doing? I have chosen to set my mind on the only Anchor I have in this storm. God has promised to provide perfect peace in the midst of unsettled times. “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusts in Thee.” (Isaiah 26:3) In spite of my crazy emotions and irrational fears, I am still trusting, still clinging to the Lord.

So, how am I doing? I’m fine….really.

Guiding Star

2006-08-31T00:33:00.000-04:00

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye." Psalm 32:8

Everyone has an opinion. I seem to have no shortage of guidance from wonderful, loving friends and family. This is a good thing, first of all because it lends a feeling of security in my life at a time when I could easily feel adrift in a sea of decisions. I find comfort in knowing that people who care are "looking out" for me. The problem with all these opinions, however, is that they often reflect totally opposite views, or at least varying degrees of views over a broad spectrum. After taking it all in, the ball still falls in my court to make the final decision.

The Bible tells me there is safety in a multitude of counselors (Proverbs 11:14). As I formulate plans for the future, I have purposely sought out the advice of my spiritual mentors. I want to make good and wise choices, not just hear someone echo what I "want" to hear. But the One who's counsel I need the most is that of the Lord. He is my Instructor, Teacher, and Guide. It's quite an interesting word picture to read "I will guide you with My eye." Malcom and I used to communicate like that at times when words were not necessary or possible. We knew each other so well and were tuned in to slight nuances of behavior, that just a look this way or that was enough to spur the other into action.

This should be my goal. Indeed, it should be the goal of every believer. To know the Lord in an intimate way so that He can guide me with His eye. I remember back in 1972 after a brief courtship, Malcom and I decided to get married. There was a very wise pastor (who I dearly love!) who cautioned me about making any rash decision. His advice was sound and logical. But God had given me peace that it was His will for us to marry and spend the first year of our life together in Taiwan. The events of the years that followed have proved over and over the solidness of that decision.

What will I do? Where will I go? How long will I stay? These are all good questions, and if you have an opinion, bring it on! But the eye of God must be my guiding star.

A time to mourn

2006-08-23T00:18:00.000-04:00

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven...a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

My friend, my enemy, my tormenter and healer: Time. It is that fickle thing that rushes by too fast, or crawls with excruciating slowness. In the same amount of time I might accomplish a lot or a little, depending upon my physical or emotional state. It plods or races and I must consider it's purpose. Is it possible that two months have already passed? It seems like a week; it seems like a lifetime.

Today as I made my way to the gravesite, I faced the fact that it is my time to mourn. The sense of loss and aloneness is more keen now rather than easing up as I thought it might with the passing of time. Perhaps it will, but it is too soon to expect relief. The headstone has been in place for more than a week. The sight of it adds another layer of finality and sorrow wells up from deep within my heart, finding it's way out through my tears.

Even as I mourned, the Lord brought to mind a precious promise from His Word. "For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with Him." (1 Thessalonians 4:15) I was comforted by these words as God knew I would be. I do believe! My mourning is one of hope as I conjure up mental images of Malcom with our daughter, Sue, whole and happy with Jesus. I long for the day when we will be reunited for a timeless eternity. On that day my mourning will be turned to joy.

In the Shadow

2006-08-19T01:01:00.000-04:00

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." Psalm 23:4

A shadow is something that can only exist where there is light. If I see the dark image of my shadow on one side, I can turn and gaze upon the brightness of the sun on the other side. As a child, I recall laying in my bed at night making shadow figures dance upon the wall. There was just enough light coming in the window from the moon to fuel my playtime. A shadow really is nothing to be feared. And yet, when we find ourselves immersed in the shadows, seemingly unable to see the light source, fear creeps in and the darkness stalks the sensitive emotions.

I live in these two extremes--shadow and light. Every day I live under the shadow that death has cast upon my life. The shadow is filled with sadness and loneliness. The shadow is very real. Sometimes the reality of it overwhelms me. I cannot deny it, it does exist. But there is light in my life too: my family, my friends, my church, my Lord. If I linger in the shadows I will soon despair, so with effort each day I turn and gaze upon the brightness of the Son of God and all that He provides. It is a valley I walk in that is not of my own choosing. So I draw strength from the promises of Psalm 23 verse 4: "...Thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." He says He is with me. But just in case I cannot see Him in the shadow, I can touch the rod or staff and know He is there.

The antidote of music

2006-08-06T00:06:00.000-04:00

“Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:19

As I journey down the path of grieving, there are many things that help me to cope with those times when I poignantly feel the pain of separation from my beloved. I try to stay busy doing the things I need to do both personal and ministry related. I set small goals for each day and try to focus on making each day count for something purposeful, rather than retreating inward and giving in to self pity. Recently I rediscovered one of my best friends: my piano! In the process of preparing special music to sing at church and putting together a song list for an upcoming retreat, I have once again realized just how much God uses music to uniquely touch places in my heart and minister grace and comfort to me. Psalms, hymns and spiritual songs bring beautiful melodies to fill the silent rooms. Words penned by others speak encouragement and spark hope. What a gift from the Maker of music, a way to simultaneously bless both the creation and the Creator!

Last Sunday night I sang a couple of songs in trio with my son and daughter-in-law. We were blessed even in the preparation and tried our hand at composing a second verse to the song “There is a Savior”:

When there are questions in your heart
And the trial you face seems too hard to bear,
When you find your faith is too weak to go on:
Then strengthen your heart with His good news,
There is a Savior, and He will carry you.

The two songs we sang can be heard at this website:
http://www.cbckn.org/sun-pm-7-30-06.m3u

The God Who Sees Me

2006-07-23T16:40:00.000-04:00

“And she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, ‘You are the God who sees me’; for she said, have I also here seen Him who sees me?” Genesis 16:13

This is a "first" for me to live alone. I was born 5th in a family of 9 children. I lived at home and then later shared an apartment with other single teachers before I was married. So, it is quite an adjustment now to be alone. I’ve made it through one month! To mark the date, I took three of my grandchildren with me to the grave site. We stopped first and purchased bouquets of fresh flowers for each one of us to place on the grave. These are teaching moments for my grandchildren. I don’t want them to forget their wonderful grandpa.

At the grave, Charles said, “If Grandpa could see us, he would like these flowers wouldn’t he?” I assured the children that Grandpa would indeed love and appreciate our efforts to honor and respect his memory. In his childlike innocence, Charles had hit upon something, however. Many people like to imagine that their loved one can still “see” them after they are gone, but there is no biblical proof of that. It’s a hard finality to accept.

But what I do find in God’s Word is the assurance that I am not truly alone. In Genesis, there is the story of Hagar who suffered at the hands of her mistress, Sarah, and she ran from her presence. Feeling rejected and alone, Hagar was visited by the Angel of the Lord who spoke these words: “the Lord has heard your affliction.” What an unexpected revelation! She was moved by the realization that she was not alone and called the Lord “You are the God who sees me.”

When I struggle with the aloneness, I am reminded that “The God Who Sees Me” is watching over me too. He sees my pain, my struggles, my joys, my questions, my every need, and speaks comfort to my soul.

“The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry.” Psalm 35:15

Tomatoes and Memories

2006-07-19T15:39:00.000-04:00

"Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on...that they may rest from their labors, and their works follow them." Revelation 14:13

There are four tomato plants in the backyard which Malcom planted in early spring. They are producing quite well and I have been eating fresh vine-ripened tomatoes every day. There is a story here, too. The last two times Malcom planted tomato plants in Taiwan, he never had the opportunity to enjoy eating the fruit of his labor because each time we made a trip back to the US just before they were ripe. Others enjoyed them “for” us and had fun teasing Malcom about planting tomatoes for them. This year when he planted the plants, he wondered if he would enjoy them this time, but it wasn’t to be so. On the morning of his funeral, I looked out the window and spied one small cherry tomato bright red and ready to pick. I buried it with him, so that he did indeed get the first tomato!

Now each time I eat one, I think fondly of Malcom’s love for gardening and planting. There are many fond memories of time spent together planting, pruning, watering, picking. It’s a legacy he has left me to enjoy now in the form of real tomatoes and later in memories.

But there is another legacy that I have from him that is even more precious. He was always faithful in spending time with the Lord, daily reading his Bible and praying for our children, church, and ministry. I came across one of his journals yesterday in which he recorded some of his prayers. Wow! What an awesome record to leave behind. I was touched to the core at the depth of his love for God, his love and concern for me, our children and grandchildren, his desire to serve the Lord faithfully and his compassion for the lost. His prayers reflect his humility and awe of God who loved an unworthy sinner. He has left me a legacy of true faithfulness that I can follow, even praying his prayers if I want to when overwhelmed by sorrow. It is a blessing and comfort.

No spin reality

2006-07-14T15:43:00.000-04:00

“Today also my complaint is bitter, my hand is heavy on account of my groaning.” Job 23:2

This may come as a revelation to some: missionaries are not super human. I struggle with the same things that others struggle with. Just because I’m a missionary doesn’t mean I am immune to all human emotion when faced with overwhelming circumstances. No, in fact, I must admit that today I recognize what I feel is anger, pure and simple. I am not surprised by this emotion surfacing just 3 weeks after my husband’s death. I felt it many times over the course of Malcom’s battle with cancer. I am well aware it is one of the “stages” of grief even while hating the term as if losing one’s spouse so early in life were something I can just “get over” as the word “stage” implies.

The problem is, I have this huge store of heart-wrenching pain and I have nowhere to focus it. I can’t be angry at Malcom. He didn’t want to have cancer, he didn’t want to leave me! I can’t be mad at God. Sickness and death are the results of mankind’s depravity. So I will not blame God foolishly. In Job’s words, “I have esteemed the words of His mouth more than my necessary food.” (Job 23:12) I could focus my anger at Taiwan and refuse to return to the place that probably “gave” my husband cancer. But that would be disobedient to God's calling and play into Satan’s tactics to hinder the gospel. I could focus my anger on myself or others, but doing so would destroy whatever “good” is left of my miserable life.

It is one of those horrible emotions that has not outlet except to cry out to my Lord who created me and understands all my feelings. I am left, as Job, facing the fact that I am simply human and ache with a pain that cannot be soothed. It’s the reality of what one popular news figure calls a “no spin zone.” My husband is gone. My life as I knew it is changed. Even my role as missionary to Taiwan, although continuing, will be defined differently. I am a grandma without grandpa to help cuddle the grandkids. Every part of my “identity” is affected.

I can relate to Naomi in the book of Ruth. I feel her pain as she said, “Call me not Naomi (meaning pleasant), call me Mara (meaning bitter); for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me.”

Both Job and Naomi’s stories ended with blessing. So there is a glimmer of hope that Carol, meaning joyful song, will one day find her joy and her song again.

Brothers and Friends

2006-07-12T13:07:00.000-04:00

"A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17

When I was a kid I thought this verse meant friends were to love and brothers were to fight with! Since I had 4 brothers, it seemed to fit! But of course that is not the meaning at all. Throughout my growing up years and into adulthood I realized more and more that true friends and brothers stick around when the going gets tough. At this time in my life I am especially thankful for loving children, faithful friends and "brothers" (and sisters!) whether they be blood relatives or blood-bought relatives. God is using you to strengthen and encourage me on a daily basis.

I look forward to the mail delivery every day because I know there will be a card or letter from someone who took time to write words of comfort for me. I eagerly open email and ecards because these things tell me "You're not alone!" A verse shared, an invitation to do lunch, a quick hello, a phone call or phone message are like showers of blessings coming my way.

Today my heart chooses not to focus on what I have lost, but lift my focus in thankfulness to the Lord who has blessed me with brothers and friends.

From "we" to "me"

2006-07-09T00:53:00.000-04:00

"Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God." 2 Corinthians 3:5

The inscription inside mine and Malcom's wedding bands reads, "Now We Are One". That was our goal, to be so unified in heart and soul that we truly were one. Somehow over the course of more than 33 years of marriage that happened. His pain was my pain, his joys mine. I had grown accustomed to weighing in his thoughts on any decision I made. We respected one another's opinions, put the other's desires before our own. Now suddenly it is no longer "we" but "me". I feel like half of me is missing. The enormity of the loss is overwhelming at times as I realize every day just how much I depended upon him, how much he "completed" me.

I find now that I am fearful because my protector is gone. I'm lonely, even in a group of people, because my closest confidant is gone. As far as earthly relationships go, the light of my life has gone out and I struggle in the dark to discover how to live as just "me."

Today the Lord gently reminded me of a verse which I had learned in the first year of our marriage: 2 Corinthians 3:5 tells me that my sufficiency is of God. Whatever I lack, He is the one that can complete it. I can exchange my fear for His confidence. I can exchange my loneliness for His presence. He knew exactly what we needed then to become one, and He knows now exactly what I need to live as just "me".

A new chapter

2006-06-27T22:40:00.000-04:00

"Be still and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

The memorial celebration in memory of Malcom's life was yesterday. It was all that I had hoped for and truly a wonderful tribute to a life well lived. He loved the Lord, loved souls, loved me, loved his children. He was my best friend and it will take great grace from God to navigate through the next months and years.

In the days since Malcom's homegoing, I have coped by being busy taking care of one detail or another. Friends and family have surrounded me, done their best to see that I was not left alone unless I wanted to be, lovingly supporting me each day. But the "busy-ness" cannot take away the lonliness, nor answer my questions about the future. Today I sensed God nudging me into a new chapter of my life.

I have found great comfort in the Psalms these past months. Psalm 46 is especially meaningful to me. It begins with that great declaration: God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear..." (vs. 1-2) I have sought refuge in the Lord. I have felt His strength lift up my weakend spirit. He has been there for me through every trial, every heartache. Then in verse 10 God says, "Be still and know that I am God." Whatever the future holds, whatever plans and persuits await me, these are all in God's hands. I will be still for now and allow Him to comfort, strengthen, guide. The new chapter begins by waiting on God.

Funeral Details

2006-06-23T09:18:00.000-04:00

"The Lord is my strength and song, and is become my salvation." Psalm 118:14

Noble Hill Baptist Church
Monday, June 26, 2006, 11 am
Interment 1 pm Missouri Veterans Cemetary

Visitation and viewing:
Sunday, June 25, 3-5 pm, Thieme-Shadel Funeral Home

Memorial contributions may be made for a Taiwan church building (Dali City Faith Baptist Church) to Baptist Bible Fellowship, PO Box 191, Springfield, MO 65801

A complete obituary will be published on our web page soon.
http://bbfi-asia.org/Feistel/

Gathered Home

2006-06-22T13:36:00.000-04:00

"He will tend His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs in His arms; He will carry them in His bosom." Isaiah 40:11

This morning, June 22, 2006 at 11:00 a.m. the Great Shepherd came and gently gathered His lamb to His bosom. Malcom is now at home with the Lord and rejoicing in complete healing.

Details as to family visitation and funeral service will be posted later. Thank you for your continued prayers. We thank the Lord for His mercy.

His time, not mine

2006-06-19T18:15:00.000-04:00

"All flesh is grass, and all it's beauty is like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades when the breath of the Lord blows on it." Isaiah 40:6-7

The breath of the Lord is blowing and we see the grass withering, the flower fading. I realize anew the sovereignty of God. It is not possible for any man to choose the moment of his departure. All is according to God's plan. It is one of those mysteries that puzzles me; how quickly one can pass and how slowly another goes. Two years ago the breath of God reached down and plucked our daughter, Sue, much as one would pick a beautiful flower at the height of it's beauty. She was gone in an instant and nothing man could do would bring her back. Now the breath of God is blowing gently and while we desire that God would hasten to take Malcom home, yet we acquiesce to a sovereign God who for His own reasons delays.

Last Friday it appeared the end was near, but he rallied and God said "No, it's not time yet." So we wait upon the Lord and His time. Thank you for continuing to hold all of us up in prayer. When God is ready, we will applaud His decision.

One size fits all

2006-06-14T23:04:00.000-04:00

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Something I hear people say a lot is this: "I cannot imagine facing the things you are going through...I could never do it." It's amazing the things one cannot imagine doing or facing--myself included. I have friends who are enduring trials and troubles of all sizes and shapes. I, too, cannot fathom facing those things. Two years ago I could not have imagined the things that were in my future. Looking back I know it is only the grace of God that has seen me through it all. It strikes me that God's grace is as big or small as any situation I may face. It is "one size fits all." As I need it, God's abundant resource is always available to meet my every need. It will not be used up or insufficient.

Since coming home from the hospital last Thursday, Malcom has continued to weaken and decline in health. He did, however, summon up the determination to attend church on Sunday so that he might witness the baptism of our friend Joe. Each day he grows weaker in body, but stronger in spirit. He doesn't complain, but shows concern for others and especially for me. I am becoming aware of the "dying grace" that others have spoken of which I see the Lord giving not only to Malcom, but also to me and our children. In this time of our lives, God's one-size-fits-all grace is much needed.

"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16

One more work

2006-06-09T01:37:00.000-04:00

"Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that you believe on Him whom He hath sent." John 6:29

Tuesday at the hospital, when Malcom was so ill, with a sense of urgency he spoke by telephone to someone for whom God had given him a burden: Michael's Dad, Joe. In my blog entry of February 13 entitled "Michael" I wrote, "I do not believe that the story stops here. God is working in lives, bringing people together to accomplish His eternal purposes." Malcom told Joe he wanted to see him. Of course part of the reason was to have one more chance to witness to Joe of salvation in Christ. He said, "I still have a work to do."

Joe immediately purchased a ticket and arrived at the Springfield airport after a flight from Pennsylvania. It was about 5 pm when he went up to the hospital. Malcom spent the next hour or so opening the Word of God and sharing how he might experience forgiveness of sins and a changed life like he had seen in others. Joe gladly bowed his head and prayed the prayer of belief and in that moment became a new creation in Christ! Praise God!

Today was quite busy with Malcom released from the hospital and then having the Hospice people come to our home with equipment, medicines, instructions etc. As always we depend upon the sustaining grace of God for the days ahead. Intertwined is joy because another child of God is on his way to heaven, the result of a life well lived...doing the work of God.

I walk in His faithfulness

2006-06-07T12:37:00.000-04:00

"For your steadfast love is before my eyes and I walk in your faithfulness." Psalm 26:3

In the midst of trouble and suffering, it is possible to feel God's love, peace, and unfailing faithfulness. I know this not only because God promises it, but because I have experienced it. At times I wonder how it is possible to cope with all that must be faced, but God is faithful and His grace is proving to be sufficient each day, each hour. I'm reminded of words from an old hymn, "Where could I go but to the Lord?"

After returning from our trip to Taiwan, Malcom's health began to decline very quickly. Severe pain and other symptoms had to be addressed, so he was hospitalized on Monday and underwent several tests. The results reveal that the cancer has spread to the liver and is progressing quickly. While in the hospital this week, they have managed to find ways to control the pain without over sedating him. Hopefully tomorrow (Thursday) he will go home and we will have Hospice help for whatever remaining days the Lord allows. All of our children are here and we are all enjoying quality time together. With the symptoms being treated, Malcom is much more comfortable than before and as always his sense of humor is still in tact!

I know the days ahead will be trying, but the Lord's steadfast love is before my eyes and I have no fear because I walk in His faithfulness.

Journey Companions

2006-06-02T00:12:00.000-04:00

"But Ruth said, Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God." Ruth 1:16

We arrived safely back to our US home last Tuesday evening. The trip was a little rough since Malcom began running a fever halfway through the longest flight (13 hours). I spent hours on edge putting cold compresses on his face and neck to keep his temperature down. The flight attendants were worried that he might be contagious to other passengers, so it was good we had a letter from the doctor stating that he sometimes runs what they call "tumor fever." It is the body's natural reaction to the growing cancer.

Wednesday Malcom had a doctor's appointment followed by chemotherapy. The cancer is continuing to advance. It was quite shocking to hear that the CEA (tumor marker) is now up to 438, the highest it has ever been. However, it has been one month since the appendectomy, so the doctor was able to start him on Avastin again. We will see in a few weeks if it is effective against the cancer. Tomorrow (Friday, June 2) he will again have a thoracentesis on his right lung.

It's been close to one year since we were forced on this journey. Like Ruth following Naomi, there have been family and friends who have chosen to be our companions. You have been there to encourage, pray, rejoice or weep. Thank you for being a source of strength. We need you now more than ever.

Two Powerful words

2006-05-27T11:50:00.000-04:00

"For he who serves Christ in these things [righteousness, peace, joy in the Holy Spirit (vs.17)] is acceptable to God and approved by men." Romans 15:18

Two powerful words: accepted and approved! What one of us does not desire to feel accepted and to know that others acknowledge that what we do/have done/are doing is worthwhile?! In this verse I find another one of those wonderful paradox that are sprinkled throughout the Bible. Acceptance of God and approval by men will not be found if serving Christ for that purpose. But rather, we serve Christ in righteousness, in peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. As we serve God with these goals in mind, the result will be that our service is acceptable to God and approved by others.

Once in a while the Lord allows us to catch a glimpse of what acceptance and approval feels like. Such has been this week here in Taiwan. It is humbling to say the least to day after day have people come by to visit for the purpose of expressing their love and concern, their appreciation for our ministry, sharing how God has used us to touch their life. It has made this trip a sheer gift from God.

Physically, Malcom has had a fairly "good" week although wearing down just a bit by Friday from trying to accomplish too much in a short period of time. We were able to get our visas and alien resident status renewed for another year, paid our Taiwan income taxes, and took care of some other business matters. Tomorrow we look forward to a sweet time with our people at Dali Faith Baptist Church. Malcom will preach in both the Chinese and English services. There are 3 people to be baptized too. Please pray that God will give him an extra measure of grace for all that will be done.

Due Time

2006-05-23T20:15:00.000-04:00

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time." 1 Peter 5:6

There are two very difficult tasks that are mentioned or implied in this verse. The first is to humble ourselves under God’s mighty hand. Usually when we think “God’s hand is upon so-and-so," we mean that God is blessing that person, using them, empowering them. That does not appear to be the meaning here. “Enduring” times of blessings is not difficult. What I think Peter is referring to is a time of persecution (4:14), trials (4:12), and suffering (4:15). These things, like God’s blessings, have come to us by God’s permission and we feel the heavy burden of God’s hand upon us at such times.

We are not to react to such times by complaining to God, being angry with God or even ignoring God. We are to react to trials that God is allowing by humbling ourselves: submission to the trial because we know it comes from God.

I am reminded of certain times while raising our five children when I had to discipline them. It was a trial to them but could be over in a very short time with little pain if they submitted. Sometimes a child would not submit. Well, I could not administer the discipline (swats on the back side) until they did. I would not just hit them any place. Finally when they stood still and took the swats we could be done. Usually it wasn’t as bad as they imagined it would be.

We have to learn to humble ourselves and take the trial and learn the lessons God wants to teach us.

The second difficult task is implied. We are to wait for a future “due time” when God would exalt us. Waiting is so hard especially when the time you have to wait is decided by someone else and you are in the dark. In such times, we can only trust God. I wish God would have healed me early on in my sickness, but then I might have missed meeting someone that needed my encouragement or counsel. I wish that God would have healed me before the chemo destroyed the nerves in my hands making it hard to type or even button my clothes, but He decided that I needed this painful experience. When will God heal me? In due time and until that time arrives, I can only wait and trust.

I recall a time when I was small and got sick at school. The school nurse called my Dad to come pick me up. He took, what seemed to me to be, forever to get to my school. Finally, he drove up and I got in the car to go home. On days like that Dad always made one stop on the way home – to buy me an ice cream. In due time my Father will send me what I need and it will be the comfort that I have longed for.

In Taiwan

2006-05-21T06:25:00.000-04:00

"This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

I cannot express how good it is to be back in Taiwan right now! We had a safe flight over and arrived at our apartment just after midnight on Thursday, May 18, making it approximately 30 hours of travel. The long trip combined with jetlag was quite taxing on Malcom, but he is gaining strength now.

We have many things for which to be thankful. Friday night there were two special events: First, the graduation ceremony for Chinese Baptist Bible College. Thomas Yu, led to the Lord, discipled and mentored by Malcom, graduated after 9 years studying part-time while working, raising a family, and pastoring the Jung Shan Baptist Church! Following the graduation, the church held an Ordination Service for Pastor Yu and he was officially ordained a "Minister of the Gospel." Even though weak from the strain of our trip, the Lord enabled Malcom to officiate the ordination service. That evening will always be remembered as a highlight in our missionary career.

Today was another special day: the 6th anniversary of our work in Dali City--Faith Baptist Church. Malcom asked the Lord to give him strength to stand and preach again in Chinese, and He did! This was a bilingual service so Missionary friend, Andy Simpson, did the translating to English. The church was packed and several decisions for the Lord were made.

In the fellowship afterwards, one dear lady gave me some good advice. "Make the most of every day. Don't waste energy worrying about how many more days you will have, just treasure the time you have today." I'm not sure if Mrs. Chang knew it or not, but her words of advice echoed the scripture: THIS is the day that the Lord has made...today let's rejoice and be glad. It is this verse that Malcom often uses to encourage himself in the Lord on those days when it is difficult to even get out of bed.

At the end of this day, we can reflect that it was indeed a good day blessed with the presence of the Lord.

When darkness seems to hide His face

2006-05-13T00:01:00.000-04:00

"Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord, and stay upon his God." Isaiah 50:10

The other day I was practicing a hymn arrangement on the piano. One of the things I've always done is to sing the words to the song in my head so that the meaning will spill forth through my fingers. Although I've sung it many times, this particular hymn, "The Solid Rock" spoke to my heart especially in verse 2:

"When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace"

There have been and still are times when the trials faced are so intense that it really feels like darkness closing in. I can identify with this verse in Isaiah. Speaking to one who fears and obeys the Lord yet finds oneself walking in darkness, the encouragement comes: Trust in the name of the Lord! Hold firm onto God!

It seems to me as I watch him, that Malcom may feel as if he is walking through a dark valley every time he has a chemotherapy treatment. The chemical's affect on him are so harsh. He is so fatigued and weak in the days following. That is how he is tonight and I ask that you pray for him, that he can rest in God's unchanging grace.

Lord willing, he will have more strength and energy by next Tuesday when we plan to travel to Taiwan.

Being strong

2006-05-10T00:03:00.000-04:00

"Thou therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus." 2 Timothy 2:1

I have a note written in the margin of an old Bible next to this verse. It says, "Being strong: Giving up so God can take over." I'm not sure where I heard that, but the idea must have resonated with me that day and still does. The Biblical truth is an unexplainable paradox; when I am weak, then I am strong. That is because the source of my strength is not in myself but instead is wrapped up in the grace that comes from Christ Jesus!

I am rejoicing today over Malcom's improvement. He was released from the hospital this morning after an uneventful night. There seems to be no lingering side affects from yesterday's episode. He has been alert with no fever and no pain. We enjoyed a visit from some missionary friends and even went out for dinner!

Tomorrow he will have his chemotherapy treatment (without the drug he is allergic to!) and I am trusting God to continue to supply him with grace to bear it.

Our Deliverer

2006-05-09T00:44:00.000-04:00

"The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer." 2 Samuel 22:2

In the 22nd chapter of Samuel we find a song of thanksgiving to God written by David. Tonight my heart is filled with the same overflowing gratitude to God for what He has done. You see, today we almost lost Malcom. He had a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction to a new chemo drug. Within minutes of beginning the IV infusion, his blood pressure dropped to a dangerous level. Respiratory and cardiac distress was present. Miraculously, his doctor and nurses were able to respond quickly to counter the reaction. He then spent the next four hours in ICU under observation. I praise God for rescuing him from the brink of death. He is now resting quite comfortably in a regular room on the oncology floor. This is his third time to be hospitalized in the last 8 days. Thank you for your continued prayers on his behalf.

Our trip to Taiwan has been postponed for one week. If God permits, we will be traveling there from May 16--30.

Gladness in my heart

2006-05-03T00:40:00.000-04:00

"There be many that say, Who will show us any good? Lord, lift thou up the light of thy countenance upon us. Thou has put gladness in my heart..." Psalm 4:6-7a

It is way past time for an update! The last few weeks have been hard on Malcom physically and hard on both of us emotionally. Honestly I was beginning to wonder when there would be some good news to report. Today is the day and it's about time!

Malcom had the 19th chemotherapy treatment on Monday, April 24th. He was already experiencing weakness from the radiation side affects and it seemed like he just went downhill all week long. On Wednesday, the 26th, he had a thoracentesis done in which they removed 2 liters of fluid from around his right lung. He was able to breathe easier after that, but still quite weak.

Yesterday, May 1st, he was having such pain in his right abdomen and generalized weakness. The doctor admitted him to the hospital. Symptoms and tests pointed to a possible ruptured appendix or perforated intestine, so he was taken into emergency surgery today around 1:30 pm. We rallied many to pray for him and God blessed with a successful outcome. The appendix was not ruptured and was easily removed. The surgeon said everything else looked fine. The amazing thing is the unbelievable rebound he has had. Tonight he was alert, energized, hungry, joking, and generally acting like his old self again. We expect a smooth recovery.

The love choice

2006-04-23T00:53:00.000-04:00

"Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he has known My name." Psalms 91:14

Everyday we make choices. Some of these choices seem more important than others, perhaps having a longer lasting consequence whether for good or ill. But there is one that we can make, and there can be no greater choice than this: choose to love God. Love is a choice, an "on purpose" decision, an intense, single-hearted love.

Why would I choose to love God? Because He first loved me. Because He laid down His life for me. Because He promised to never leave me nor forsake me. Because He is worthy of my love. The list could go on and on! This is not to say that I always love God perfectly. No, often times I fail. But God is touched by the purposeful choice to set my heart on loving Him. I believe that God is pleased that His child chooses to love Him. Because of it, He promises"I will deliver." God's deliverance may not take the form that I expect, but because I love Him and I know He loves me, I trust Him to deliver according to His plan--even in this valley called cancer.

The week past has been a rough one for Malcom in terms of dealing with the side affects of the radiation therapy--severe fatigue and painful abdominal cramps. There is only one more session left, that will be done on Monday. Hopefully he will begin to gain strength after that. Please be in prayer for him. He also has another chemo treatment on Monday. I have lost count of how many he has had at this point...18 or 19? Maybe someone can tell me!

We give thanks for the grace of God given even in times of weakness. We set our love upon the Lord.

God at work

2006-04-14T23:49:00.000-04:00

"Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus...make you perfect (complete) in every good work to do His will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ; to Whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 13:20-21

God is at work. He has a plan. The circumstances of our life are not just random happenings. How can I be sure of this? It is the resurrection of Jesus Christ that gives me this assurance. As I review His life and observe God's careful execution of a plan to seek and to save the lost--from the manger to the cross--I see a powerful almighty God who is perfect and powerful in every detail. Jesus' death made it possible for us to have peace with God and His resurrection proved without a doubt that He is who He says He is. This same God is working in us to accomplish that which is well-pleasing in His sight. That He even cares about what happens in my life from day to day is an amazing thing, but I'm so glad He does.

Malcom had a problem with rapid irregular heartbeat and was hospitalized for a couple of days. He is better now. Thank you for your prayers. He was able to go ahead with his regular chemo schedule. Also, the radiation therapy has significantly reduced the pain in his hip and shoulder. Praise the Lord!

Let God be magnified

2006-04-10T15:59:00.000-04:00

"Let all those that seek Thee rejoice and be glad in Thee: and let such as love (desire) Thy salvation say continually, Let God be magnified." Psalm 70:4

Psalm 70 is only five verses long. It really is an urgent prayer from the lips of David as he begs God to "make haste to deliver me!" In fact, he repeats this 4 times. From the context we know that he is being pursued by enemies who desire to hurt him. He declares his own inability to help himself saying, "I am poor and needy...Thou art my help and my deliverer." Verse four reveals the purpose: that God may be magnified.

I think it's appropriate to equate the way David felt then with Malcom's situation. There is an urgency in our prayers to God for His haste in delivering Malcom from the enemy--cancer. There is only so much that man can do, we are all poor and needy. God is our help and deliverer. As we seek His salvation, let us continually say, "Let God be magnified!"

Malcom began his second week of daily radiation treatments today. I'm happy to say that he is feeling much better, even able to walk without the assistance of a cane. He isn't needing as much pain medication either, so the doctor was pleased with the progress. This Wednesday he will have another chemo treatment as well.

Thank you for joining us in prayer for God's healing and most of all that in everything God will be magnified.

Cherry blossom days

2006-04-06T18:48:00.000-04:00

"Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in Thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto Thee." Psalm 143:8

The cherry tree behind the house is in full bloom. Here is a picture of Malcom standing beside it. He has had 3 radiation treatments and seems to be tolerating it well.

Although these are emotionally rough days for us both, we are sustained by our trust in God, knowing He is guiding us through it all. Each morning we "hear" the lovingkindness of the Lord in His creation and in words of encouragement from friends and family. Our soul is lifted up to Him as we face the future, daily releasing our worries and cares to His capable hands.

Hide and Keep

2006-04-04T00:58:00.000-04:00

"Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings." Psalm 17:8

Fierce storms raging
Future uncertain
Focus on His care
Feel His protection

Soothing.....Safe.....Sufficient

--------------------------------------------------------
The outpouring of prayer and concern from so many this past weekend was truly an encouragement. We are abundantly blessed with loving, caring family and friends.

Today we met with the radiation oncologist. Malcom will begin a series of 14 radiation treatments tomorrow...one each day (Monday-Friday) for 3 weeks. The expectation is that as the radiation shrinks tumors in the bone there will be a reduction in pain. He will continue chemotherapy treatments every two weeks as well.

Keep the prayers going.

No April Fool

2006-04-01T12:22:00.000-05:00

"In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly." Job 1:22

When bad things happen, it is natural to search for the cause, for someone or something to blame it on. When no cause can be found the foolish heart begins looking at God with an accusing finger, attributing folly to God. I've heard it, you've heard it. But God help us not to be guilty of it. Instead, may we follow Job's pristine example of complete faith without charging God foolishly.

Facing the facts: so far God has not chosen to heal Malcom. We still continue to pray for that, knowing that God is able to do so if he chooses.

Test results: The bone scan done on Thursday reveals the cancer is continuing to grow and spread in his bones, especially the left femoral head which explains the pain Malcom is experiencing in his left hip. Monday (April 3) we will have a consultation with an oncology radiologist. Radiation therapy may be needed to ease the symptoms.

The pain in Malcom's hip and leg is getting worse by the day. He is doubling up on the pain meds per doctor's instructions. Prayers for the easing of the pain would be greatly appreciated.

Chemo changes

2006-03-30T01:04:00.000-05:00

"Every word of God is pure: He is a shield unto them that put their trust in Him." Proverbs 30:5

I often find myself turning to the "Wisdom Books" of the Bible when searching for comfort or encouragement. I especially enjoy the book of Proverbs. There are exactly 31 chapters, so it is easy to read one chapter each day thereby finishing it in one month. There is enough wisdom to merit reading it 12 times a year! I like to choose one verse each day for meditation. For this day I choose chapter 30 verse 5. In a world where people's words are not always edifying, comforting, or even truthful, it is so completely satisfying to realize that God's words are pure--honest, dependable, sure. This protects my heart and thoughts from the inside out. He is a shield to those who choose to trust Him. This protects my heart and thoughts from the outside in!

Medical update: Malcom had his 16th chemotherapy treatment yesterday. The doctor made some changes in the protocol which we hope will reduce the neuropathy effects. In addition, the decision was made to begin the drug Avastin. Avastin is not chemotherapy--it is an anti-angiogenic therapy which works by attacking the blood vessels that "feed" a tumor, and is given in combination with chemotherapy. There are some risks with this drug, so please pray that there will be no complications and that it will be effective in stopping the growth of the tumors.

Happy Birthday to our youngest granddaughter, Kaycia, who is 1 year old today!

Never forsaken

2006-03-26T00:41:00.000-05:00

"They that know Thy name will put their trust in Thee; forThou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek Thee." Psalm 9:10

It has been a pretty good week for us here at the Feistel house. Malcom has regained strength following the chemo treatment last week and has been able to enjoy some normal activities. We praise the Lord for this and it boosts our hopes that perhaps even better days are not too far away.

I know that many who read this blog are going through personal struggles and health issues of their own. The verse I chose today is for you. No matter how hard the trial, how dark the valley, how impossible the situation, I encourage you to run to the refuge of the most precious name of our Lord. Put your trust in Him because He has not forsaken you. Sometimes you feel forsaken, but the truth is that you are constantly in His care. May you cling to that knowledge. We are praying for you too.

Not of us

2006-03-17T00:45:00.000-05:00

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us." 2 Corinthians 4:7

The light of the gospel is brilliant, able to illuminate the darkest soul. The power of the glorious gospel to save someone and change their life is totally amazing. Even more amazing is that God entrusts such a wonderful treasure to us, the "earthen vessel." Because we are simple, clay pots, we have nothing to boast. Granted, some stoneware is quite beautiful and unique. But narrowed down to the basics, it is still just clay...not fine china or exquisite porcelain. The thing that makes the earthen vessel special is the treasure within, proclaiming to all that the power is of God and not of us. This awesome truth humbles me and causes me to praise the Lord for choosing this earthen vessel to spread the gospel.

Last Sunday we had a wonderful time in St. Charles, MO. God enabled Malcom to have the strength to preach. But we feel that we were the ones blessed by being there. It was encouraging to sit in on an adult Sunday School class and hear someone call out our names in prayer. They didn't know we had come in! It was a God-ordained moment, as if God himself was soothing us with the proof that people are praying.

The week has been eventful with daughter Amy coming from North Carolina for a visit. We also celebrated daughter, Nancy's birthday. Wednesday Malcom started another chemotherapy treatment which will end tomorrow (Friday).

We anticipate having a visit with a new friend tomorrow. He is a young man from Shanghai, China. Pray that God will allow us to build a friendship with Louie so that we may be given a chance to share the treasure of the gospel of Christ with him.

Now why am I surprised??

2006-03-10T23:57:00.000-05:00

"For he was astonished, and all that were with him, at the draught of the fishes which they had taken." Luke 5:9

Peter and the other fisherman had spent the entire night fishing without catching a thing. Then along came Jesus needing to use their boat. For just a little while that simple fisherman's boat was transformed into the Master teacher's lectern from which Jesus taught the people. When he was done he instructed them to let down their nets for a "draught"--that's the old English word for a big catch! Obviously Peter thought there was a good possibility that this would be a futile exercise, but then why not? After all, it was Jesus who said to do it! The result was such a large catch that their nets nor the boat could handle it! Peter and all those with him were astonished.

A few observations:

God is not limited by our inability to accomplish something on our own. In fact, this is His perfect opportunity to show Himself mighty to us.
God isn't looking for the grandest and the best to use for his purposes. He is satisfied with a humble boat because He is not dependent on our resources.
God blesses those who are willing to be used...blessings far above our expectations.
Like Peter and the others, we are often surprised by the magnitude of God's blessings, and we are forced to recognize God's greatness and our own insignificance.

This week has been a good one. Malcom has slowly gained strength each day and we recognize that God is helping him. This Sunday he will be preaching in St. Charles, Missouri. We anticipate that God will use a modest vessel to accomplish something great.

We are praising God for blessings in Taiwan. This Sunday, Dante--one of the young preachers in Dali Faith Baptist Church--will be baptizing a couple of new converts. It is exciting for us to see how God is growing our church there. We shouldn't be surprised!

Great Sunday

2006-03-05T23:37:00.000-05:00

"...Lord, it is nothing with Thee to help, whether with many, or with them that have no power..." 2 Chronicles 14:11

We had an awesome day at church today. I was in awe of God and His empowering grace, experienced by both Malcom and I. Just having come off of his chemo treatment on Friday, Malcom was very weak and in pain. But the Lord specializes in helping those who are without power. He was able to stand and preach a powerful message which God used to speak to the hearts of many. Several days ago I was struggling with a respiratory virus and had started antibiotics on Friday. Scheduled to sing a solo today, I really didn't know if I could. But with God's enabling, the song was there! It is so humbling to be used of God even in our times of weakness.

Let me give you the latest CEA (tumor marker) figure: it is now 75.7 which is down about 30 points from the last time! This is fantastic news which indicates the chemo is working.

If you want to pray specifically for Malcom this week, pray that he will experience relief from the neuropathy. His hands and feet constantly hurt, while at the same time feel numb. He has trouble buttoning his shirt, typing on the computer, walking is painful etc. just to name a few examples. Imagine anything you do with your hands or feet...those are all painful for him. In spite of that he keeps a positive attitude and doesn't complain.

Hope continually

2006-03-03T00:41:00.000-05:00

"But I will hope continually, and will yet praise Thee more and more." Psalm 71:14

Hope is the thing which stands between courage and despair. It is that intangible ingredient that gives one an ability to focus on the impossible. Another word for hope is faith, unseen except by the eyes of the heart. Hebrews 11:1 describes it as "substance" and "evidence." Hope is more than a desire to believe, it IS believing, placing my fullest confidence in the object of my faith--God, whose ways are past finding out. (Romans 11:33)

The tulips in our yard are starting to show their leaves, a sure sign of beautiful things to come. I am reminded by these simple parts of God's creation to continue to hope and to hope continually.

Yesterday Malcom started chemo again. We also received the report of Monday's CT Scan. It was what I call a "mixed review" meaning some slight improvements in some areas and some possibility of further problems in other areas. Okay, so we are not going to despair, but continue to hope for the best and keep trusting the Lord. Today he had another thoracentesis done in which they drained 2 liters of fluid from around his right lung. We praise the Lord that it was successful.

Keep praying, keep hoping, keep praising!

Waiting on God

2006-02-28T11:03:00.000-05:00

For since the beginning of the world men have not heard nor perceived by the ear, nor has the eye seen any God besides You, Who acts for the one who waits for Him. Isaiah 64:4

I hate to wait. Waiting seems to me to be such a waste of time. In Taiwan I used to have to wait all the time. If you go to the Post Office, you have to take a number and wait your turn; same thing happens at the banks. Even at “fast food” places in Taiwan, we would usually be told, please find a seat in the dining area and we will bring your food to you in a little bit. We had to wait. So, I always had a book I was reading, or my PDA with me so that I could work on something while I waited. Waiting just never was a good thing, in my view.

However, in biblical terms, waiting on God is a good thing and something that we are required to do quite often. I was reminded of the value of waiting while reading today’s “A Slice of Infinity” (slice@sliceofinfinity.org).

Strength comes to those who wait - Psalm 27:14; God even waits (and us with Him) for the right time to be gracious to us - Isaiah 30:18; God promises to hear the prayers of those who wait - Micah 7:7

I have to be willing to wait on the Lord to receive His blessing and strength on my life.

"Deal bountifully with Your servant, That I may live and keep Your word." Ps. 119:17

My next chemo is scheduled for tomorrow (Wednesday, March 1st). Then next Sunday, March 5th, I am preaching at our home church’s mission conference. Please pray for strength to stand and proclaim God’s message.

Our position in prayer

2006-02-24T01:08:00.000-05:00

"And Jesus stood...saying, What wilt thou that I shall do unto thee? And he said, Lord, that I may receive my sight. And Jesus said unto him, Receive thy sight: thy faith hath saved thee." Luke 18:41-42

Why do people find it so hard to ask God for specific healing? I am amazed at the number of people whose prayers sound as if they are giving God permission to not heal! The prayers sound so spiritual too with phrases such as "we don't ask anything except your perfect will, Lord." That kind of prayer is not edifying to the sick one and in fact smacks of a lack of faith that God could indeed decide to heal!

In a quick perusal of Luke and Mark this morning, I was overwhelmed with the number of times that Jesus healed those that were sick. Yes, I know that God does not always choose to heal every person that has a terrible disease such as cancer, but that is not the point. The point is that He CAN if He chooses. Our position in prayer is not that of granting God the right to do what He chooses, but rather to demonstrate our faith in His healing ability.

The blind man here in Luke chapter 18 was asked directly what he desired. Suppose he had answered, "Well, if it's your will perhaps you might be able to help my eyes get better...but of course only what you want to do, Lord, and I'll be satisfied." How silly that would have been! Instead, he boldly declares, "I want to see!" Jesus' response was "Your faith has saved you."

In the book of James we are encouraged to call for the spiritual leaders of the church to pray for healing. James 5:15 says "And the prayer of faith shall save the sick..."

Based on these scriptures, I am continuing to pray for Malcom's complete healing. I am blessed by those who often encourage us with the same determination. We appreciate your boldness and faith!

Good news to report: The MRI done on Monday came back negative for metastasis to the brain. We are SO relieved!

His complete provision

2006-02-18T15:41:00.000-05:00

"He giveth power to the faint and to them that have no might he increaseth strength." Isaiah 40:29

There are times when both physical and emotional forces drain one of energy. Almighty God, who created us and knows us, addresses both aspects in this verse. The emotional is described as "faint", the physical "no might." Contrast that to the Lord's provision--power and increased strength. I praise God that He has been true to His promise this week in supplying the emotional and spiritual needs each day. Malcom started chemo on Wednesday, yet the Lord gave him both the emotional and physical strength to participate in Michael's memorial service on Thursday. It was a beautiful service and a blessing to the family.

Yesterday we received the latest CEA report (tumor marker). It is 109, up from 22.5 last month. Again we have to lean upon the Lord lest we become weary and discouraged. Please pray that the change in chemo will slow and even reverse the growth of the cancer.

Another emotional stress that we deal with is being away from our work and ministry in Taiwan. We are in constant communication with the church people, our hearts being knit with theirs--rejoicing when they rejoice and hurting when they hurt. This week one of our men, Bro. Chen, was seriously injured in a motorcycle accident. We praise God for missionary co-workers, Andy and Lisa Simpson, who were quick to respond to our request to visit Bro. Chen. It relieved our minds greatly to know that they were there! We ask that you pray for his speedy recovery, and that God would use these circumstances to draw his wife and daughter to seek Christ.

Michael

2006-02-14T00:47:00.000-05:00

"Blessed be God...Who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." 1 Cor. 1:4

Just about 24 hours ago at the young age of twenty-three years, Michael Noriega closed his eyes to this world of pain and suffering and opened them in the presence of God. It was a peace-filled passing with his mother and father at his side. Although our hearts grieve for the earthly loss of a friend, yet we celebrate his release from a diseased body and his entrance into eternal life where he no doubt found a grand welcoming committee put together by Jesus Christ himself!

Tonight we spent some time with Joe and Alex, Michael's parents. I was once again deeply touched as I realized God's hand in the events of the last couple of years and how He brought together two families who were perfect strangers six months ago. But tonight we were able to comfort them with the same comfort which we received from God. Who else can say "I understand" but someone who has also lost an adult child? Who else can say, "God's grace will be sufficient to see you through this valley" but one who has experienced that grace?

So we praise God.... for allowing Malcom and Mike to cross paths so that he might learn of God and receive salvation....and for allowing us as a couple to minister to Joe and Alex. I do not believe that the story stops here. God is working in lives, bringing people together to accomplish His eternal purposes. We are grateful for the small role God has given us in His plan.

Never Give Up

2006-02-11T12:08:00.000-05:00

"Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward." Hebrews 10:35

Yesterday some dear friends came by the house to visit and encourage. They brought a copy of a cartoon that has been around for quite a few years. Maybe you've seen it...a frog strangling the bird that is trying to swallow him. The caption reads "Never ever give up!" (here is a link if you'd like to see the cartoon: http://www.pa.uky.edu/~shlosman/anim/nevergiveup.jpg) Although we had seen it before, it sure was a good reminder of a great way to visualize the attitude that we need to have in facing trials.

Reading in the book of Hebrews, I see that the writer also admonished those facing "a great fight of afflictions" (Hebrews 10:32) to never give up. He said "Cast not away your confidence!" There is need for patience and endurance all the while trusting the Lord. I've come up with an acronymn for "FAITH" to capture this idea:

Facing All I Trust Him

On this Saturday morning, I want to thank everyone who has called, emailed or sent comments of encouragement this week. We are deeply grateful for all our friends who encourage us to never give up.

Please pray especially this day for Mike Noreiga, our young friend who has leukemia. He is back in the hospital in St. Louis in serious condition with a prognosis of only a few weeks unless God intervenes with a miracle.

Still in the learning process

2006-02-08T23:26:00.000-05:00

"...I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Philippians 4:11

I have not "arrived" yet. I'm still in the learning process. The last few days I have not felt content with life's circumstances. I want things moving forward, Malcom getting better, the day of returning to the field getting closer. I still question why God has allowed cancer to enter the equation of our life and ministry. The Lord is so patient with me, answering me through His Word, reminding me of verses such as:

"It is not for you to know the times or the seasons which the Father hath put in his own power." Acts 1:7
"...and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee." Hebrews 13:5

It is a struggle to stay optimistic. My faith is strong, but I do become emotionally weary sometimes of the path. So I don't dare claim to have all the answers, but I am learning day by day to strive for contentment, giving my questions and my weariness to my Lord.

There has been no significant change in Malcom's condition since last week. He continues to be quite fatigued, probably due to the chemical affects of the chemo. He is still coughing and having some difficulty breathing. Please continue to hold him up in your prayers.

Walk Where?

2006-02-03T00:00:00.000-05:00

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me..." Psalm 138:7

To "walk in the midst of trouble" presents quite a word picture. I, for one, have tried my best to avoid such a circumstance my entire life . I mean, really! Who wants trouble? Not me! Being raised in a family of 9 children, it was not a good idea to be found in the middle of a problem. If I saw trouble brewing, I would try to skirt around it, stay quiet so as not to be involved in it, avoid rocking the boat at all costs. To live in peace without any troubles is such a desirable state. But is it?

The life of smooth sailing and perfect ease is not one that stimulates spiritual growth. Rather, it is in the midst of trouble that I see God the clearest and experience His presence to the fullest. Because I know His character, I know He does not afflict without cause. He does not allow us to pass through the valley alone and without purpose. He is there walking with us, and He does not tire. No, it is I who becomes weary in the midst of trouble. It's a good thing He is there to revive me. I like how one commentator put it: "If we receive reviving we need not regret affliction."

Psalm 138 is a study in complete trust and worship of the Lord. Today in the midst of trouble, I found the Lord reviving me through His Word. Verse 2 speaks of His lovingkindness. Verse 3 reminds me that He hears and answers my cries. Verse 6 tells me though He is great, yet He is attentive to the lowly. Verse 7 He revives me in the midst of trouble and verse 8 this great Psalm ends with the affirmation that "The Lord will perfect that which concerns me..."

Malcom and I are praising the Lord for the blessings of today:

a successful thoracentesis--they removed about 1500 cc of fluid from around his right lung.
for many friends extending words of comfort and promises of prayer
for hope in the Lord and the joy in serving Him

Congratulations to Richard!

2006-02-02T08:52:00.000-05:00

On Friday, January 29, 2006, Richard formally completed flight school and received his wings! We are very proud of him. Within the next month he should receive new orders and move to North Carolina. He will be stationed at Marine Corp Air Station New River (only 2 hours from Amy in Raleigh-Durham).

On the MCAS New River website, there is a link to the Station Aircraft which shows a picture of the CH53E Super Stallion that Richard will be flying.

The pictures posted here are of Richard receiving his wings from Papa and Mom Feistel.

Peace rules

2006-02-01T23:35:00.000-05:00

"And above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts..." Colossians 3:14-15

The results of the CT scan are in. It isn't good news. The cancer is growing again, this evidenced by another suspicious spot on Malcom's right lung, a marked increase in the build up of fluid around the right lung (which explains his labored breathing), an increase in the size of the lymph nodes of the chest to name a few. The decision was made to go ahead with chemo and in fact changing one of the drugs. In addition, tomorrow morning Malcom is scheduled to undergo a procedure (thoracentesis) to remove the fluid around the lung.

It's been one of those roller-coaster emotion days. It is a setback and can be discouraging. That being said, once again Malcom and I both are making a conscious decision to continue trusting the Lord. We cannot trust Him only when days are good and the prospects seem hopeful. True faith chooses to trust even in the darkest of hours. Rather than allow fear and doubt to reign, we will let the peace of God rule in our hearts.

Someone asked me tonight how they should pray. Maybe you wonder the same thing. The answer is: pray for healing, pray that the change in chemo will be effective, pray for God's perfect will.

Counting on the Lord's Presence

2006-01-31T23:02:00.000-05:00

"And He (the Lord) said, My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest." Exodus 33:14

Today we were blessed by a visit from some friends--a supporting pastor and his wife drove several hours to come see us. They were an encouragement to us. One reason is because they have faced a similar battle against cancer so we felt a certain comfort in the knowledge that they understand the struggle. But the greatest encouragement was their desire to let us know that we are not alone. Just knowing that others are with us in the battle brings courage.

How much more vital to our spiritual well being is the knowledge of the Lord's presence! I love this promise from Exodus spoken by the Lord to His servant, Moses. And I love Moses' reply. He said, "If thy presence go not with me, carry us not up hence!" I feel that way too. There is no way I want to face the days ahead without the presence of the Lord. He must go with us! And I know He will. I claim this promise as my own.

Over the weekend we traveled down to Pensacola, Florida to attend the "Winging" ceremony of our Marine son, Richard. We are very proud of him and his accomplishments. As he continues his training and serves our country, we are depending on the presence of the Lord to be with him too.

Tomorrow Malcom will see the doctor and we'll know the results of last week's CT scan. Hopefully he will be able to continue the chemotherapy treatments.

Waiting and Trusting

2006-01-23T14:48:00.000-05:00

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Waiting and trusting is the order of business for this week! Malcom's chemo has been delayed again due to an elevated white blood cell count. He will take a week of antibiotics, have a CT scan done on Wednesday, and hopefully next week be able to have a chemo treatment. Again there is some apprehension at not being able to continue the treatment today, but we reminded ourselves of the fact that God is in control. Since He is the one we are depending on, we need not worry about what seems to us to be a "delay." Trusting that God's timing is perfect, we wait upon Him. This verse promises renewed strength.

Wedding Anniversary

2006-01-20T00:05:00.000-05:00

"Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not." Jeremiah 33:3

Today is our wedding anniversary--33 years! A great number and it reminded me of Jeremiah 33:3, one of my all-time favorite verses. I began to wonder what was going on in Jeremiah's life when God said this to him. I found the answer in verse 1. He was "shut up in the court of the prison." At one of the toughest times in his life, God's servant was given an amazing promise! Prison walls couldn't block the line of communication. He had the assurance that not only could he cry out to God, but God would answer!

I'm comforted by that knowledge too. I remember 33 years ago I was preparing to go all the way over to Taiwan to marry the most wonderful man in the world. The only obstacle was lack of money for the plane fare! The plan was to sell my car and use the money for the ticket. But my reservation was only a week away and it still wasn't sold. That day I cried out to God and said, "Lord, if you want me to go, if you want me to marry Malcom, YOU sell my car. I give up trying." God heard me and answered me. My car was sold by the end of the day!

33 years later God still hears and answers. Like Jeremiah, we are facing some tough times. But cancer cannot block the line of communication, and we are still anticipating the great and mighty things that God will show us in the days to come.

Please continue to pray for Malcom. He has not felt well this week. The next chemo treatment is scheduled for Monday morning, Jan. 23rd.

Faith under fire

2006-01-13T23:39:00.000-05:00

"That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:7

This is a strange concept: the trial of my faith is more precious than gold that has been refined. I tend to equate trials with pain or discomfort which in turn translates to my emotions as "bad!" But as a teacher I know that trials (or tests) are the proof of the learning and is a necessary tool to aid both the teacher and the student to discover the level of learning that has occurred. So it is the same on a spiritual level. I may dread the trials, even devise ways to escape them, but the wise Master teacher is preparing something precious for me. I cannot understand why or how that can be so, but then I'm not the master!

I think my faith is about to be tried again.

The result from the CEA test (tumor marker) taken on Wednesday came back today. It is a bit higher: 22.5 (up from 18.5) This is even with Malcom having had 2 chemo treatments since the last time it was tested. The doctor doesn't seem too worried about it. He says sometimes the cancer cells get "smart" and figure out how to resist the chemo.

So, what do I do with this information? I'm going to do just what I've determined to do all along. I'm going to trust the Lord, once again consciously put my husband in God's hands knowing that He is in control.

Wisdom

2006-01-11T12:05:00.000-05:00

"For the Lord giveth wisdom: out of his mouth comes knowledge and understanding." Proverbs 2:6

Often when I pray for someone who is undergoing medical treatment of any kind, I pray "Lord, give the doctors wisdom to know exactly how to proceed." More than ever I am praying that kind of prayer for Malcom's doctor. Today he decided to delay the chemo treatment for two more weeks due to the possibility of over-toxicity. There is a certain "comfort" in knowing that as long as he is receiving chemo the cancer is being held at bay, so it seems just a bit frightening to accept a delay. But we have repeatedly prayed that God would give Dr. Goodwin wisdom in knowing when, how, and how much to treat. I'm going to trust that today's decision is an answer to that prayer. This morning's lab work included a CEA (tumor marker) and we will know the result of that on Friday. For now, Malcom will enjoy a break from the chemo and trust God to continue the healing process.

The gift that keeps on giving

2006-01-10T23:24:00.000-05:00

"Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it." Proverbs 3:27

Throughout the recent holiday season I often heard the phrase, "the gift that keeps on giving!" If a product could provide endless hours of entertainment or usefulness, it was highly desired. That makes sense to me and in fact I'm enjoying several gifts that remind me of the givers each time I use them. So how about a spiritual principle keeps to this standard of giving? This proverb is good advice. Simply stated, be a blessing to another when you have the chance! The New Testament counterpart is found in Galatians 6:10: "As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith." In these verses lie our mandate for a meaningful life, one that focuses on the needs of others and brings joy in the doing.

I praise the Lord that recently He has given me several opportunities to "do good," to be a blessing to others. I realize once again that it is my privilege to be on the blessing end of things, rather than just being the recipient of the blessing.

It may be noted that it's been about a week since my last posting. Please forgive the lapse, and I hope it didn't cause any unnecessary worry. (I did receive a few phone calls!) I'm still fighting off the respiratory virus turned sinus infection, hopefully on the mend now. Malcom is doing well, having just come to the end of his two-week cycle, today being his last"good" day. Tomorrow he starts the 11th chemotherapy treatment.

For those continuing to pray for our friend, Mike, I want to give you an update. He has been transferred to the Barnes Hospital in St. Louis where he is undergoing advanced treatments for his leukemia. I spoke with his father today and they are impressed with the doctors and facilities there. If the treatment is effective and he can achieve a remission, hopefully the next step will be locating a match for a bone marrow transplant. Thank you for your prayers for Mike and for his family. God is using the prayers and the "good deeds" of Christians to touch this family in an extraordinary way.

Taking up the pen

2006-01-03T00:11:00.000-05:00

"That you might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God." Colossians 1:10

A new year. I've managed to cross this line quite a few times now, more times than I care to admit! There have been times when I approached the new year with eagerness, thinking of it like an empty tablet yet to be written on, eager to use my best handwriting, wondering what I might accomplish. I would joyfully charge into the new year expecting to do something great. But this day as I contemplate 2006, I wish I could conjure up that kind of excitement. Circumstances of the last few years have taught me that "I" am not going to accomplish anything outside of God's plan for me. I don't approach the year with fear and trepidation, because I know firmly where my hope lies. It is with HIM who is ever faithful and full of love. This time, I view 2006 cautiously. My heart is full of questions, wondering what God is planning to write upon the empty tablet of my life. This year it will be His best handwriting, not mine. I do have my part, however. It is summed up in Colossians 1:10:

Be pleasing to Him
Be fruitful in every good work
Increasing in the knowledge of God

Verse 11 tells me what I can expect from this attitude. There will be strength (according to His power), patience, endurance and joy even in hardships.

It's only the 2nd day of the new year. Malcom is suffering through the chemo effects, his discomfort more evident with each treatment. As for me, I have caught a nasty virus that is making me feel miserable. My main concern is that I don't pass it on to him. Thank you for your prayers.

Keeper, Sustainer

2005-12-28T23:28:00.000-05:00

"Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain." Psalm 127:1

There is a principle here: It is the LORD that builds, it is the LORD that keeps. He is the establisher, keeper, and sustainer of all our work.

God brought this verse to mind today as I was talking to someone about our work in Taiwan, expressing our concern for the church there--especially the Chinese ministry. We really feel the burning desire to return and continue the work that has been started. I guess our natural fear is that without the presence of the shepherd (missionary/pastor) the sheep will weaken and scatter. Ah! But the GOOD SHEPHERD is the One who is building the work. He orchestrated the events that have affected our life and work at this point in time. We must trust Him for the ultimate outcome.

Chemo session #10 began today. Continue to pray for endurance and healing.
Pray for our Taiwan church and for God's blessing on it.

All is well

2005-12-24T01:27:00.000-05:00

"And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be to all people." Luke 2:10

To me some of the most beautiful and powerful words related to us in the Christmas story are these two small words "fear not." Joseph was in a quandary and the angel of the Lord said fear not. Mary was troubled and the angel gently spoke fear not. The shepherds were afraid and the angel assured them with fear not.

"Fear not" can be expressed as: don't worry, everything is okay, all is well. These words spoken from the lips of one who has authority to declare it to be true have the power to calm, strengthen, soothe, instill courage. These are words we long to hear. Feel the tension resolve as the doctor says, "He's going to be okay." Recall the relief when an apology is accepted. Imagine the contentment when a grown child calls home and says "I arrived safely." What sweet relief to know all is well.

A few weeks ago I sang this song at church and it still speaks to my heart:

All is well, all is well
Angels and men rejoice
For tonight darkness fell
Into the dawn of love's light

All is well, all is well
Let there be peace on earth
Christ is come, go and tell
That He is in the manger

All is well, all is well
Lift up your voice and sing
Born is now Emmanuel
Born is our Lord and Savior

Sing Alleluia, All is well!

It is a blessing to know that because Christ came, my fears need not overwhelm me. Jesus speaks peace to all the storms of life. All is well. Entering the Christmas weekend, I praise God that Malcom is beginning to enjoy a few good days. We are anticipating the joy of spending time with our children, grandchildren, extended family and church family. Our thoughts and prayers are with our Taiwan church family. Whatever 2006 may hold, we know all is well.

Perfect Peace

2005-12-21T01:07:00.000-05:00

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee." Isaiah 26:3

It has been a week since the start of the last chemo. Malcom is struggling with a lot of different side affects. The neuropathy is bad. His hands and arms are very red (looks like he is burned). They are super sensitive to things (hurts to put his hands in his pockets) and he's losing the hair on his arms and hands. He's been aching as if he's coming down with a cold. These things in addition to the fatigue and "chemo brain" (inability to think or react quickly) tend to pull him down.

I was encouraged when he shared with me this verse in Isaiah. Here is a promise from God, the promise of perfect peace. Like many promises in the Bible, there is a condition to be met in order to receive the promise. "Who's mind is stayed on Thee..." How easily our focus can be drawn away from Him! Whatever that thing is that pulls your trust away from the Lord is the very thing that will rob you of peace to face every trial. In Malcom's case, he must concentrate on putting his focus on the Lord and not on the side affects of chemo. For me, I must focus on the Lord and not on the uncertainty of the future. What about you? What robs you of God's perfect peace?

I want to share some good news about our friend, Mike. Three weeks ago he was near death. But God has answered our prayers and lifted him up again. Today the doctor said the leukemia is going into remission. The last few weeks his father has been here in Springfield caring for him. We invited them to our home on Monday for dinner and enjoyed a nice evening together. The Lord gave us opportunity to speak of spiritual things. We really feel that his father is searching for truth. Thank you for your prayers as we seek to be a blessing to Mike and his family.

One generation to another

2005-12-16T01:00:00.000-05:00

"One generation shall praise thy works to another, and shall declare thy mighty acts. I will speak of the glorious honor of thy majesty, and of thy wondrous works." Psalm 145:4-5

We are excited about the latest test results. Malcom's CEA number is down to 18.5! Praise the Lord! He also seems to be tolerating this round of chemo fairly well. Praise the Lord again!

I can now report that our Christmas tree is duly trimmed. We made some memories with 3 of our grandchildren tonight--decorating the tree, sipping hot chocolate, and reading a story aloud to them. It is a joy to speak of the Lord's majesty and wondrous works to this next generation of Feistel children.

Getting through the holidays

2005-12-14T00:46:00.000-05:00

"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God; for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God." Psalm 42:11

Here it is December 13 and we finally managed to put up some Christmas lights on the outside of the house. No tree to trim inside yet, but as they say in Taiwan "slow, slow, come" meaning "take it a little at a time." If last year and this year are any indication, I think that's the way we are going to get through the holidays for a while. Grief does that to us. Every holiday season, especially Christmas, brings a fresh reminder of the now incomplete family circle. Depression rears it's ugly head and threatens to steal our joy. This year I gave myself excuses for delaying the decorating, but finally I had to admit that whether consciously or subconsciously, I was avoiding it because truthfully it's painful. I busied myself last week with sewing costumes for the Christmas parade, with practicing music for Sunday's special and focusing on other things. For some strange reason I can do those things joyfully, but the thought of bringing out the Christmas ornaments and trimming a tree seems too hard. I guess there is no need to explain it or understand it. God created me with the capacity for these emotions and it's okay to just accept that certain intimate family traditions will naturally stir up the grieving heart.

As always, God's Word is an encouragement to me. In Psalm 42 I discover from the Psalmist how to deal with depression:
(1) Pour out your soul to the Lord (vs.1-4)
(2) Remember the past blessings of the Lord (vs. 5-8)
(3) Hope in the Lord (vs. 9-11)
(4) Praise the Lord (vs. 5, 11)

Tomorrow Malcom begins chemo treatment #9. He is dreading it because it makes him feel so bad, but yet he knows it is helping. There will be another CEA test done and we will know how things are progressing. All prayers gratefully accepted and appreciated!

The blessing of another birthday

2005-12-08T11:28:00.000-05:00

"Blessed is the man whose strength is in thee; in whose heart are the ways of them. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the man that trusteth in thee." Psalm 84: 5, 12

Today is Malcom's 53rd birthday. This morning I praised the Lord that I opened my eyes to another morning snuggled next to my wonderful husband. This day is a blessing!

In Taiwan we always tried to give special recognition to the birthday people. I usually baked a cake at least once a month for the birthday celebrants. It is interesting how different cultures view this. Americans, for the most part, like to celebrate birthdays, especially for children. As we get older we often let the day go by without mentioning if we can get away with it. If it is celebrated, it's others bringing the greeting to us. Taiwanese don't make a big deal about birthdays except the "big" ones like 60, 70, 80, etc. On the other hand, the Filipinos love marking their birth date and they are the one to put on the party, preparing food and cake for all their friends!

I like our Filipino friend's view of birthdays. They have taught us to bless the Lord for the day. Many times I have heard this type of praise: "I thank God that He has blessed me with another year." Rather than dread growing older, they look forward in anticipation and bless the Lord for His graciousness in adding another year of life.

That is my praise today, especially as I reflect on the last few months and realize that at one point we did not know if Malcom would be able to celebrate this day. Today truly is a blessing. And I am so blessed to have him in my life--a man of God who epitomizes today's verses. His strength, his heart, and his trust are in the Lord.

Reclaiming my identity

2005-12-05T19:23:00.000-05:00

"I am the Good Shepherd, and know my sheep and am known of mine." John 10:14

The other day someone asked me is I felt like I had lost my identity. I hadn't really thought much about it until then and so I've been contemplating it ever since. When tragedy strikes or when life as we know it changes drastically, yes it is possible to lose one's personal identity. What defines me is a myriad of things: I'm a missionary, a wife, a mother, a teacher, a daughter, a musician etc. When Malcom was diagnosed with cancer, suddenly things narrowed down to focus on the "wife" part of me. Taking care of him of necessity consumed much of my time, thoughts, and energy. When people saw me or talked to me their first thoughts were to ask about how he was doing. I have had to make adjustments to do things and handle things that previously he did. So I guess for a while I felt defined by the circumstances of life.

Now that Malcom is well on his way to restored health, the other things that define me are emerging again. I've begun to find ways to use my music for the Lord at church. I'm able to give more attention to doing those things that a missionary does...for even though we are not bodily present in Taiwan, today's technology allows us to still be very much involved with our people and ministry. Besides that, the work of a missionary is not limited to a geographical area!

I think it's important to remember that first and foremost my true identity is wrapped up not in who's wife I am or who's mother I am, but rather in the fact that I am Christ's child. Or as He puts it, I am His sheep. He knows me and I know Him. There is no loss of identity there! I am His and He is mine.

Malcom finished his chemo treatment last Friday. He had an allergic reaction to some medication given for the inevitable mouth infection, so that has caused some discomfort. All the other side affects are there as well, a little more bothersome each time it seems. But over all he is doing well, a fact for which we continually lift our praise to God.

Looking for the perfect gift

2005-11-30T10:30:00.000-05:00

"Seek the Lord, all you meek of the earth who have upheld His justice. Seek righteousness, seek humility..." Zephaniah 2:3

The malls and shops here in the US are beginning to resemble everyday crowds in Taiwan! While most everyone bemoans the shopping frenzy, I'm just beginning to feel "at home!" We're all out looking for the perfect gift to give to a friend or loved one this Christmas and won't give up until we've acomplished that goal.

I've noticed another thing too. There seems to be an increase in a "demanding-my-rights" type of attitude. I avoided going out shopping on the day after Thanksgiving for this reason. I really didn't want to encounter those kind of people.

Today's verse is a good one for this holiday season: Seek the Lord, seek righteousness, seek humility. It would be wonderful to find the perfect gift. But how much greater the benefit if I succeed in finding the Lord's presence and pleasure, the peace in knowing I have done right, and the grace of humbly putting others first.

Malcom began his 8th chemo treatment this morning...it will run through Friday. Lately it takes longer for him to recover from these treatments than before. Pray for healing and enduring strength. Our friend, Mike, is in the hospital again. He is struggling with a severe yeast infection in his mouth and throat. Keep him in your prayers as well.

Today Pastor Bill Taylor and his wife Joyce arrived safely in Taiwan. They will be living in our apartment and overseeing the English ministries of our work for a few months. Pray for their adjustment and that the Lord will use them to be a blessing to Dali Faith Baptist Church.

Forever

2005-11-26T23:47:00.000-05:00

"I know that whatever God does, it shall be forever. Nothing can be added to it, and nothing taken from it. God does it, that men should fear before Him." Ecclesiastes 3:14

It is difficult for me to totally comprehend the full impact of the word "forever." In an ever changing world, there just isn't much of anything that lasts through decades or even a lifetime. Yet, all through the Bible I keep bumping into this little word with an amazing scope . It almost always is used to describe something relating to the character and reliability of God. I sometimes wonder at God's purposes, but I never have to question the durability of what He does. For myself, I often do things that later I go back to undo, redo, or change entirely. Not God. His ways are absolutely perfect, therefore forever is okay. I praise God that He is the Eternal God, that what He does is forever. Nothing, not even cancer or death, can add or take away from that awesome truth.

I'm praising God also for a blessed Thanksgiving week filled with many wonderful times together with family and friends. Looking ahead, Malcom will have another chemo treatment beginning either Tuesday or Wednesday.