Monday, November 20, 2006
Feeling Abandoned By God
“And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying…My God, my God why hast thou forsaken me?” Mark 15:34
Have you ever considered how many different types of “loss” can occur in a person’s life? There is the loss of health, job, income; loss of face, self-esteem, confidence; loss of a loved one through death, divorce or other circumstance; loss of leadership, direction, and purpose. The list could go on. Change is inevitable in life, but even with an expected change there is still a loss. My loss may be someone else’s gain. But the resultant feeling from compound losses is abandonment.
As this particular week unfolds, I feel very keenly several losses. Tomorrow is Sue’s birthday. I recall with joy the day she was born and the pleasure she brought us in her 28 years. I am still reeling from the loss, trying to make sense of it. Tuesday, the 22nd, will mark 5 months since Malcom’s home going. Not only did I lose my husband, my best friend, my confidant, but I lost my closest co-worker in the ministry. It feels like I have lost my past, present and future. I feel abandoned!
One of the hidden products of suffering is coming to a more intimate knowledge of the Savior. And so I am allowed a small glimmer of awareness and understanding of what my Lord must have suffered for me. Jesus, who knew the future, who knew the eternal plan, still felt the pain of abandonment! His desperate cry on the cross echoes centuries later in my own heart.
Was Jesus really abandoned? Yes, for a time. But there was a greater glory to be revealed. Am I abandoned? It feels that way. Lord, may I patiently endure, waiting for Your plan to unfold in my future.
Have you ever considered how many different types of “loss” can occur in a person’s life? There is the loss of health, job, income; loss of face, self-esteem, confidence; loss of a loved one through death, divorce or other circumstance; loss of leadership, direction, and purpose. The list could go on. Change is inevitable in life, but even with an expected change there is still a loss. My loss may be someone else’s gain. But the resultant feeling from compound losses is abandonment.
As this particular week unfolds, I feel very keenly several losses. Tomorrow is Sue’s birthday. I recall with joy the day she was born and the pleasure she brought us in her 28 years. I am still reeling from the loss, trying to make sense of it. Tuesday, the 22nd, will mark 5 months since Malcom’s home going. Not only did I lose my husband, my best friend, my confidant, but I lost my closest co-worker in the ministry. It feels like I have lost my past, present and future. I feel abandoned!
One of the hidden products of suffering is coming to a more intimate knowledge of the Savior. And so I am allowed a small glimmer of awareness and understanding of what my Lord must have suffered for me. Jesus, who knew the future, who knew the eternal plan, still felt the pain of abandonment! His desperate cry on the cross echoes centuries later in my own heart.
Was Jesus really abandoned? Yes, for a time. But there was a greater glory to be revealed. Am I abandoned? It feels that way. Lord, may I patiently endure, waiting for Your plan to unfold in my future.
4 Comments:
Carol,
You are in our thoughts and prayers today, as always. We love you, and hope that even though you are a great distance away, you will remember that many, many people here are lifting you up to the Lord. Thank you for opening up your heart to us through your writings. I have passed along your blog to several people who are also going through painful loss, and I know that you have been a great comfort to those who felt they were all alone in their suffering, and trying to make sense of their feelings. I look forward to seeing you over the Christmas Holidays.
Your Sister In Christ,
Angie
Carol,
I have been reading your blog for about 9 months now. I have never left a comment because I am shy. I also was feeling inadequate, as I was dealing with a different sense of loss.
I want you to know that in reading about your experiences and emotions, and reading how you have relyed on God has helped me to grow closer to him. Our lossess are very different, but the lessons are the same. I thank you for your boldness in blogging, and sharing your TRUE heart with us.
I can only hope that knowing you have touched my life, and iniated a desire to lean on God and find the same strength that you have will be a small blessing to you.
Mary-Jo
P.S. I was referred to your blog by J. Mullett.
Carol, You do not know me, but I am a sister in Christ. I feel at a loss myself right now, and amd so happy to have found your blog through MJ's blog.
I remember a saying from somewhere in the past that stated "God loves you just the way you are, but loves you too much to leave you that way". He has a mission for you that only you can ammomplish. You alone, guided by the hand of a loving Father. And, grace to climb that mountain or walk through any valley in life. The older I get the more I realize that although I feel alone a t times, I KNOW I feel His presence, and that is my strength to take the next step. I may crawl at times, but through prayer, He helps me over the sadness and loss --and keeps me moving toward Him....NOONE CAN TAKE HIM FROM ME!!
"He giveth more grace as the burdens grow greater"!!
You will be in my prayers!
Love through Christ.
My favorite scriptures; Psalm 121
Carol, I have aLso been readiny your blog for awhile now. I am a missionary in Venezuela. As I read of your loss, I can imagine the COMPLETENESS of it. How your whole life and ministry are tied up in your husbands. My heart literaly hurts thinking of it. I can only say, I am praying for you here. Tomorrow I will continue to lift you up in prayer. I have no words to comfort, but His words are always true and a comfort.2 Cor.4:8,9 We are troubled on every side,yet not distressed, We are perplexed, but not in dispair. Persecuted, but not forsaken. Cast down, but not destroyed. Rita Vernoy , mother of M.J.'s future sisiter-in-law
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